I crave the attention that my mother never gave me

just like I crave that last bite of food before my calorie intake has been met

I’m constantly craving but I’m never achieving

I’m constantly hoping for love

and not the kind that is shown from words but is shown from actions

the kind of love that you get from knowing me

not feeling me

not me showing them how to love me

but actually caring about me and my mental health

not my bra size

not lying and saying that they love me

when all they loved was how I made them feel

_trying to heal_

__

_trying to heal _

_trying to heal _

but I still crave it

I crave what has been lost by drugs and cutting myself it was all not once better for me

but I’ve never really thought about myself always prioritizing others

people pleasing

maybe if I make other people happy

I will be happy but i am not people and that never happened

left alone in a sad empty bed where I rest my head

and drown in my pillow

but how can I sleep with the lies and the cheating and the goals I haven’t been achieving?

I don’t even recognize myself when I look in the mirror

all I see is ugly

but I know that’s not true

people call me pretty

but I am not people

I’ve never thought highly of myself

always striving for more yet I can never accomplish it

my lack of motivation ruins my life

yet I am not willing to work on it

I am not ready to get better

I am ready avoid my problems the easy way out

the weak man’s medicine shoved into my mouth