he was the sun- the breeze coursing through his hair, the force that anchored him to earth.

he was the moon and the stars illuminating the sky.

it was impossible not to think of him; the arc of his brows, the curve of his lips, the line of his chest- impossible.

he was one with y's world. vivid and real. so so close. but not close enough, never close enough.

even when their bodies were one, it was never enough.

it would never be enough.

t felt so far away, like a deity y could only pray to and fantasize meeting.

he was truly the warmth on a cold day, the comfort of getting home after a week of work. y didn't know what to do with himself. didn't know how to act when the younger smiled his way, grabbed his hand, kissed the thoughts away.

it wasn't enough- y wanted to consume him, hold him tight and not let go.

but t was the oxygen that filled his lungs and the sunshine that allowed flowers to bloom. y couldn't keep him. t wasn't y's to keep. even if the younger begged for it sometimes, even if y was more than willing.

maybe it shouldn't have been like that- but y couldn't care.

not when t reached out to touch him, grazed his skin, and left him aching for more.

his touch was light, never lasted longer than a few seconds- so unlike y. y who was possessive, liked to see the blues and purples bloom on t's skin

liked it when t whined and begged for mercy.

caramel skin stained pink, tears welling up in honey eyes and it wasn't enough. t was still so far away.

It wasn't enough.

y realized it would never be enough.

t was too bright, burned him when he got too close, blinded him if he stared long enough. y. was not enough.

it wore him away, made his restraint thinner every day. made the resentment build in his chest and spill through his mouth. it was not enough. he was not enough. he would never be enough.

it made him angry, made him want to snuff t out- made cruel thoughts whirl in his head and stain his hands.

it. was. not. enough.

love morphed into something y had never known and t was too close, too captivating— too much.

then t's flame burned out, and he was dull, lifeless. and y didn't know what to do. he was restless, couldn't bear to look the younger in the eye.

t was like a sick puppy. wounded and fragile-- too afraid to leave his side. y didn't know what to do.

he wanted this, yet he wasn't satisfied. this was his doing but he couldn't stand it.

t was suddenly so insecure, hiding behind y's shadow, blindly following his every move.

he was hiding under big hoodies now, and even his light hair was suddenly dark brown, bright eyes muted.

y did this- and he didn't know how to fix it.

it made him all the angrier, resent the younger even more. harsh words spilled from where they hid in his head and the anger bubbled out without stop.

it was never enough.

it would never be enough.

he. was not enough.

(if you’ve read this far, thank you)