shes long and might not make sense BUT BEAR WITH ME PLS

N didn't think twice about it when he flicked on the TV, everything so familiar to him already- furniture arranged just the way he liked, books scattered around, a few plants sprinkled here and there, and he felt at home.

Didn't need the shelves of Kaws characters or the sometimes overly spacious living room. He felt- good.

Flipped through the channels slowly, waiting to see if something caught his attention, burying further into the loveseat.

"--found dead in his city apartment." and N's eyebrows furrowed, vaguely recognizing the blurry image on the screen, quickly switching back to the news.

His heart thrummed in his chest, inching closer to the screen, squinting-

black hair, sleepy eyes, gummy smile- he was on his feet, gripping the plastic frame with impending tears. Y, Y, Y- It's Yg.

They were playing dance practice videos, Y's long hair tied back, alone- looked the same as he did yesterday- Y, Y- but sad music hummed in the background, unfit with the hip-hop choreography.

"our hearts go out to those close to hi-"

The tears dripped down his face, closing his eyes, wanting to get out, go back.

Shit shit shit

He felt like he was drowning, suffocating with too much air and not enough-

I wanna go back, I wanna go back—

He was *running before tripping on his feet, landing on a soft carpet, still heaving, still crying, everything dark.

but he recognized his real room, stumbled to his feet,

straight out the door, down the stairs, to his bike, Y the only thing in his mind.

His legs hurt, lungs burned, shivering at the cold when he got off, letting the bicycle scatter, sprinting again.

He knocked once, twice, couldn't stop with the headline circling his head.

"Aspiring rapper, M Y, found dead in his city apartment."

N knows Y, his struggles, knows better than anyone else how much Y suffers, but-but Y would never- he'd never- even if he- he wouldn't-

N's chest still heaved, trying to hold back the tears, when a dazed Y opened the door, blinking rapidly.

"N-NJ? N?" N nodded, tongue heavy in his mouth, throat tight, still trembling under his sleep shirt.

"You're alive-" His voice splintered painfully, tears finally spilling down his cheeks, Y's bleary eyes wide when he pulled at N's wrist, tugging him inside. Slim hands grasped at his face, pulled him close.

"Hey, I'm here, I'm okay, yeah?" Y knows N's worries. Y knows N's worst fear.

He nodded, couldn't bring himself to speak, hands shaking when they came up to grab at Y- the sheer relief making him want to cry harder.

"You're freezing." Y pulled him further into the house, into the comfort of his bedroom, sitting N down on his bed with a kiss to his forehead. "Stay here. I'll make you something."

A smile and N was nodding, hesitant when he let Y go, still felt shaken up, couldn't stop the burst of tears, watching Y's blurry figure disappear into the kitchen.

He stood from the bed, rubbed his face, tried to convince himself it was all fake; a bad, bad nightmare, but the heavy yank in his stomach refused to go away, screaming at him that it was true, Y- Y was dead somewhere out there-

He shook his head, tugged on his hair- couldn't stop fucking crying.

He was following the path to the kitchen before he realized, behind Y. pulled him away from the stove, still shivering, even in the warmth of the house.

And Y stayed quiet, tiptoed to hug N properly, let the younger clutch onto him until N was panting, tears drying slowly in the dark, eyes drooping with newfound exhaustion.

"let me stay with you?" almost inaudible, and Y was grinning, nodding, so soft without a guard, in the comfort of his home, in the comfort of N's arms.

"stay however long you want." N knows he meant it.

they did this often- but it wasn't often that N came knocking on Y's door, wasn't often that the younger broke down and asked Y for help.

So Y grabbed his hands, let himself tug N down to press their lips together. Delicate, the barely there press of skin against skin but it was enough to calm N's senses, sighing into Y soft mouth and letting his thoughts melt into a puddle of y, y, y, y-

he felt like a starved man, forgetting how well they fit together, how responsive y was under him.

they didn't do this often.

but it was still second nature to N, wrapping his arms around y's smaller frame, pulling him away from the kitchen, back into the dark bedroom, knowing, loving how pliant y got like this.

His breath stuttered when N turned them, still blindly feeling for the bed, but then a giggle, a small, "you're walking me to the pantry," and a tug to N's collar, had them back to square one, trying not to laugh, N sighing into y's neck with a kiss to his shoulder.

He's okay.

"Thank you,"

A soft hum from Y and N was pulling him closer still, the ugly, heavy feeling back in his stomach. "you-you're okay though, right?"

...a long pause, and N could tell Y was contemplating the answer.

"Better than I've been in a while," Y turning his head to rest against N's sternum and he could almost see the gummy smile in the dark, made his stomach flip and palms sweat.

but, "did you have a nightmare?"

Namjon could only nod, the knot in his throat asphyxiating him, even with Y's arms around him, with soft lips leaving butterfly kisses up his chest.

"I'm sorry, Nj-ah. I'm here... I'm alive,"

knows N's worst fear.

"yeah,"

---

thank you for giving her a chance pls do let me know how to improve! this is part of a longer story so it might be kind of out of place lollllll regardless thank you and have a great day hehehehh

y can still picture himself a couple of years ago, absolutely livid because Hope got away again, let himself be caught only to laugh in Y's face, and run away later. He was ridiculing him, trying to make him and his men a laughing stock.

So when they caught him again, Y was the first to visit, demanding everyone to leave them alone, gun so tempting where he twirled it in his hand. Oh, but when he walked in, he wasn't expecting a man his age, had expected a dirty, old bastard like they all seemed to fucking be.

But Hope was a complete change of scene, giggling where he was sitting on the floor, a cute little hat atop his head and Y didn't know what to think.

This was the feared Hope everyone warned him about? The same man that could escape in mere seconds?

Who was staring up at Y with a glittering smile and painted nails.

Painted nails-

It was too late when Y realized Hope was free, the younger bouncing toward him with quick, happy steps.

Y couldn't move- couldn't even bring himself to lift his gun and shoot, hated himself for it.

Hope looked so sweet when he stopped in front of Y, grin bright, heart-shaped. Y couldn't even be angry anymore- took an enormous risk, letting Hope near him so easily, letting the other touch him.

But Hk pranced around him, giggled, "I was waiting to see when you'd meet me~"

Y didn't reply, knew it was best to keep his mouth shut, even when Hope's hand crawled up his neck, fingers running softly through the hair on his nape.

"You're very pretty, Agust," grimaced because this wasn't okay, knew he was being stupid.

Hope stopped in front of him again, warm hand still on his nape, drawing circles against his skin.

"I'm J Hk," Y... didn't know that, didn't believe him either. "Call me Hobi, yeah?"

He knew Hk didn't hold a special position, their leader was Sj, and Y never had a problem with him- he kept his distance. Never crossed paths with the other and preferred to keep it that way.

So he was definitely surprised when N called one night, telling him that they caught someone on their side of the woods, someone who looked a lot like one of Sj's men.

Things were somewhat calm, nothing was happening out of the ordinary- why would one of sj's men be watching him? He probably stumbled into the woods by accident. So Y told them to bring him in, rough him up a bit maybe and let him go. But he'd escaped before they could even speak to him, and Y was starting to get on edge, nearly daily occurrences now- white ears peeking from behind cars, flashes of white when Y was making rounds.

And it was the same thing, over and over and over again. Hope getting caught only to escape in minutes, and Y-Y didn't want to hurt him- didn't want to start a war over something so meek-

"I'll see you later," He left, and Y let him go. Watched, still silent, as Hk walked out of the back door, turned to wave for the last time.

He stood there, long after Hk left, frustrated for being so weak, slamming the gun against the floor with a tug at his hair.

Fuck, fuck-

he's fucked.

He was marching out soon, barging into N's room to huff out a sharp, "J Hk. Bring me all the J Hk in this fucking country," N nodded with a frown but still brought in piles of folders the next day, and Y apologized, letting him have the rest of the week off because he knew he was maybe a bit unfair, knew N spent the entire night up researching.

N was more than happy to accept and Y got to work quickly, flipping through pages worth of information at light speed.

By the next day, he was starting to give up, disgruntled, maybe even a little angry at himself because he took Hope's words to heart. Why wouldn't the other lie? And now, he's making Y look like a complete idiot.

But he was almost at the end when a little picture tag caught his attention. He paused, brought the folder closer, nearly smiled.

It's him.

Younger, hair matted on his forehead, an awkward smile pulled on his face- but it was him no doubt; same sharp nose and high cheekbones, heart lips, and perfect denture.

J Hk of xyz.

Hk didn't show up for a while, and Y nearly forgot about him.

nearly.

maybe not that morally grey but still if you recognize the names NO YOU DONT thank you for reading this far uhuehueheuheuh

D doesn't know how it all came to be. how he managed to fall face first for L.

he grew up knowing his job. his father had raised him as a replacement, and he knew, was aware of it. didn't question it. death was meant to be a cruel man, and d had tried to play the part. he'd made the pact, let his father go, and took his place with as much pride as his bounded soul allowed.

but L- L was naive when he came into this world. had gone against his mother's word and was stuck here now- for eternity.

life was supposed to be a woman, gentle, and beautiful, and fertile. only female offspring were allowed but her son didn't understand, thrust himself into the divine with no one to guide him.

D was horrified, the world was chaos; L didn't know how to rule, didn't understand the power he held. d helped him as much as he could, didn't want to cross the line between life and death.

did so anyway.

L was captivating, was meant to be life, didn't hold the weight of responsibility, laughed with his chest and cried with it too; he was raised without the fear the rest seemed to have-

D doesn't think the younger understands. L was short-tempered despite it all, didn't seem to comprehend consequences,

d remembers that day still, when he'd burst at L. snapped out of fear. had felt inferior to it all. L cursed a human-- for eternity and D was mortified, tried to make it better but made it so much worse in the end.

he was angry and afraid, and completely lost,

and L cried, caused disasters and d felt like a child again, watching as humans suffered because of his ignorance, as Yoongi went about not realizing what D had done to him, and L fell into a frenzy.

then one day

L confessed, bright eyes and a nervous grin, and D's heart swelled in his chest

but he was death... wilted the flowers L bloomed, killed the babies L cooed at, was the hatred people garnered while they grew and learned to love-

they could never be together--

L clutched onto him, nails digging into his back, tears seeping through his shirt.

He shook when he grabbed the younger arms, the crown on L's head crumbling, falling onto his fingers, staining his skin.

"L," he tried to pull him off, looked up to avoid seeing how L cried.

"No--"

"L," He repeated, tugging on the younger's firm hold.

"No- no--" he tightened his grip, and D could feel L's sobs vibrate against his chest.

"L," he tried again, manhandling the younger off.

L's eyes were cast down when d finally looked, hands trembling by his side. but he could still see the tears splatter against his white robe, onto the pasture, killing whatever they landed on.

"i-i-"

D's hand twitched, he wanted to reach out. fought himself against it- knew it would ruin it all. L looked so frail- delicate in the moonlight. skin blanched, afraid.

D remained quiet, but couldn't bring himself to walk away. he was glued to his spot, feet growing roots and refusing to move, eyes refusing to peel themselves away from L.

L looked up- eyes red, cheeks blotchy, lip quivering.

Ds chest tightened, his ears rang- he was truly a weak, weak man

and it was L's pretty smile when d reached out, eyes holding galaxies threatening to spill stars,

the giggle when the only thing D could do was pull him in and kiss away the tears

((thank you for reading this far hehehehhh)) this is a prompt I think about often

“I think I just met the happiest person in the world!”

T’s laugh was deep, soaked in honey, and Y didn’t mean to frown, didn’t mean for the jealousy to peek its ugly little head so soon.

They were nothing. They weren’t lovers, weren’t partners, were barely even friends. but T’s words still made Y’s stomach churn and heart palpitate.

T seemed so happy, arm slung around J’s shoulders, and Y couldn’t help the glare, the sudden urge to come between them and shove J to the side.

But T was holding him close, and Y could do nothing but trail behind them like some sort of miserable chaperone.

happiest person in the world

Y knew he wasn't exactly the most outgoing, extroverted or even optimistic person, but still--

What about him?

What did T think when they first met?

The thoughts whirled in his head as T and J giggled in front of him, both without a care in the world-- they were perfect for each other.

I can be like that too! Y wanted to yell. Just give me a chance, yeah?

But he still trudged behind, hands in his pocket and a bitter taste in his mouth.

Maybe it was the booze clouding their thoughts, or the high of finding their soulmate, that made T and J suddenly turn to peek at Y before sprinting off.

Y didn't try to follow, paused his steps, and watched them run off with manic laughs.

It was his own fault for introducing them in the first place. He'd hoped J would be a wingman, had told him as much.

But T was his own person, and J was... J.

Selfish but captivating J.

Y couldn't compare. He was a recluse, opted for hums instead of words, hated stepping out of his home, had to force himself to even invite T out with the excuse of a work hangout.

He was pathetic in the end... pathetic and destined to be alone it seemed.

A sigh and he turned his step, the cold night air biting at his face.

He quickened his step, ignored the burning in his eyes.

T deserved the happiest person in the world.

he was the sun- the breeze coursing through his hair, the force that anchored him to earth.

he was the moon and the stars illuminating the sky.

it was impossible not to think of him; the arc of his brows, the curve of his lips, the line of his chest- impossible.

he was one with y's world. vivid and real. so so close. but not close enough, never close enough. even when their bodies were one, it was never enough.

it would never be enough.

t felt so far away, like a deity y could only pray to and fantasize meeting.

he was truly the warmth on a cold day, the comfort of getting home after a week of work. y didn't know what to do with himself. didn't know how to act when the younger smiled his way, grabbed his hand, kissed the thoughts away.

it wasn't enough- y wanted to consume him, hold him tight and not let go.

but t was the oxygen that filled his lungs and the sunshine that allowed flowers to bloom. y couldn't keep him. t wasn't y's to keep. even if the younger begged for it sometimes, even if y was more than willing.

maybe it shouldn't have been like that- but y couldn't care.

not when t reached out to touch him, grazed his skin, and left him aching for more.

his touch was light, never lasted longer than a few seconds- so unlike y. y who was possessive, liked to see the blues and purples bloom on t's skin liked it when t whined and begged for mercy.

caramel skin stained pink, tears welling up in honey eyes and it wasn't enough. t was still so far away.

It wasn't enough.

y realized it would never be enough.

t was too bright, burned him when he got too close, blinded him if he stared long enough. y. was not enough.

it wore him away, made his restraint thinner every day. made the resentment build in his chest and spill through his mouth. it was not enough. he was not enough. he would never be enough.

it made him angry, made him want to snuff t out- made cruel thoughts whirl in his head and stain his hands.

it. was. not. enough.

love morphed into something y had never known and t was too close, too captivating— too much.

then t's flame burned out, and he was dull, lifeless. and y didn't know what to do. he was restless, couldn't bear to look the younger in the eye.

t was like a sick puppy. wounded and fragile-- too afraid to leave his side. y didn't know what to do.

he wanted this, yet he wasn't satisfied. this was his doing but he couldn't stand it. t was suddenly so insecure, hiding behind y's shadow, blindly following his every move.

he was hiding under big hoodies now, and even his light hair was suddenly dark brown, bright eyes muted.

y did this- and he didn't know how to fix it.

it made him all the angrier, resent the younger even more. harsh words spilled from where they hid in his head and the anger bubbled out without stop.

it was never enough. it would never be enough.

he. was not enough.

(if you’ve read this far, thank you)