The Man-Baby was late for something again today.

In his rushed panic to get dressed he not only kicked over my entire bowl of water, but he also slipped on my ducky. Then, he had the audacity to get mad at ME for leaving it lying around.

Maybe he should spend less time staying up all night on the little light up toy of his, and actually go to bed on time. Then perhaps he wouldn’t always be so late for whatever it is he did everyday.

I stood patiently at my bowl watching as he scrambled around the kitchen for things to fill his own hungry belly with before he left.

Meanwhile, here I was, absolutely STARVING as I waited for him to serve me breakfast. It had been a whole two hours since I devoured the last of my food from the bowl, and now I was practically dying with hunger.

The Man-Baby paused mid sip of his drink before looking down at me with wide eyes.

“Oh crap! Sorry Ken. I completely forgot about breakfast!”, he exclaimed.

He put down his drink quickly and It didn’t go unnoticed that the brown liquid inside sloshed over the edge and spilled onto the counter.

And the Man-Baby had the nerve to call me messy?

He bent over my bowl with the bag of food, narrowly missing the bowl the first tim he tried to pour the food in. I shook my head and sighed as I watched him make even more of a mess. I mean, it could be worse. At least he hadn’t decided to-

“There we go Kenny. A bowl full of fwood for my wittle baby boy”

-and there it was. My appetite had suddenly disappeared and now I was left feeling mildly nauseous.

I thought I had gotten lucky this time. Thought I’d be able to have at least one morning free from that annoying voice. But no, the blubbering fool decided to grace me with that annoying baby voice of his again this morning. I wonder if he thought me dumb. Maybe that’s why he spoke to me with that voice. That voice that failed to form proper syllables and made every word from his lips an annoying slobbery mess of vowels.

Just then, the most wickedest of thoughts crossed my mind. I knew just how to get him to shut up. I walked slowly up to the Man-Baby, wagging my tail and clawing at his leg in faux excitement. Then I positioned myself just right and…..

“Who’s a good boy? Who’s a good baby- OH MY GOD KEN. DID YOU JUST PEE ON MY FOOT?!”