Just like a year ago it’s cold outside. The snow is falling softly, kids laugh and run through the snow covered streets.

I walk down the side walk, dodging three kids who scurry past me.

As their laughter echos through the world, I see Davian, his smile that was so small but made a huge difference in my life. I see his black eyes that I always knew were hiding a secret, I just never knew what that secret was.

But now . . . Now I do. He was the one that changed my life, the one that killed my mom.

And the one that I’m still waiting for. It’s been two days since the fire at my house. I was so mad at Davian, I didn’t want to see him. I was so mean to him, I threw him away just like that.

He risked his life for me, and I don’t know if he’s going to be okay. I don’t know if he’s going to wake up, if I’m ever going to see him again.

I fold my arms across my chest, shivering partly from the cold and partly because I’m terrified.

The hospital comes into view, a million windows shine down at me as I enter the parking lot.

From here I can see Davian’s room. It’s on the very top floor, and it’s the only room that doesn’t have a yellow glow shining through the window.

The sliding doors hiss as they part, making room for me to enter. I step inside, shutting my eyes as a gust of warm air greets me.

The nurses and doctors don’t have to ask if I need anything. They don’t need to remind me where Davian’s room is. They know me, and always smile sweetly when my face comes into view.

I smile back, even though all I’m trying to do is not cry. I climb what feels like thousands of stairs before I reach Davian’s floor.

I take a few rights, and there he is. Room 345, I peer into the small window that’s placed on the door. It’s so dark, only a few little spots of blue, green and red are visable from the machines at Davian’s side.

Keeping my eyes on the window I reach out and twist the cold door knob. The door creaks open, a square of light appears in front of me as I walk in.

I wait for the door to shut before I walk to Davian’s side.

“Hey,” I whisper as I sit down on the edge of his bed. “It’s me.”

The machine at the side of the bed beeps, it’s lights flashing in the darkness.

“Every morning when I wake up I hope to walk here and find that you’re okay. And every morning when I realize that’s just a fanasty I feel like screaming.”

My hand shakes as I reach out for Davian’s. I grab his finger in my hand, and suddenly I feel okay.

I squeeze his finger, using my other hand to brush my wet cheek. “I’m not mad anymore.” I murmur. “The only person I’m mad at right now is the one who has the power to take you. Who took my mom.”

I swallow my sobs as I look at Davian’s face. He’s hurting inside, I can tell. He thinks I hate him, he thinks that I want this.

“I love you,” I cry. “Davian . . . There’s nothing in this stupid, messed up world that could ever make me stop.”

I let my tears slide down my cheeks, I let my pain flood my veins with each shaky breath that I take.

How could I have made Davian think I hate him? I should have just breathed or something. Anything, I just can’t let him . . . I can’t let him . . . Die.

“Please,” I sob. “Wake up . . . Just wake up Davian. For me . . . I promise you it’s what I want.”

Now I twist my fingers around Davian’s hand, holding it as tightly as I can. “I love you so much . . .”

I choke out sobs, my chest feels heavy like no matter how much I cry it won’t ever soothe this pain.

There’s only one way I’ve found that helps me soothe pain this bad. And he’s not here.

. . .

“Davian was . . .” Was, why can’t it be is. Davian is. “Davian was . . .”

My eyes scan over the crowd of people. I barely know any of them. Besides Tommy who’s sitting up front.

He gives me a small smile, wiping his tear stained cheek.

I take in a deep breath, shutting my eyes. I see Davian, he’s smiling his perfect smile. A smile I miss so, so much.

“Davian saved me,” I keep my eyes closed. “From the pain of losing my mom. From the stress of change, and from the fire that took him. Davina had secrets, secrets that I never knew he was capable of having. And when he finally came out and told me his secret, I was mad. So mad . . . A kind of mad that I don’t even know how to explain.

“But then he saved my life, he showed me that life happens, things happen, but the only thing that stays the same is the love you have for the people you care about. Davian didn’t get to love that many people in his life, but the people he did love he loved with his whole heart.

“He could make anyone smile, he made me smile just by standing next to me. And now he’s not here to stand next to me anymore. I don’t think I’ll ever be okay, this past year has been hard.

“And now suddenly it’s over.”

Everything is over. The whole year that flew by, that had ups and downs. I had a whole year with Davian, and there’s nothing I’d ever give to forget about the days we spend together.

Davian saved me, and that’s something not many people have done for me. Davian was special, a kind of special that I’ll never forget.