Lysalei

I love books, music, and all things involving escaping reality. I usually write free verse poems, but sometimes a story appears here and there. 🏳️‍🌈🫶

323

Writings

Followers

Following

Lysalei

I love books, music, and all things involving escaping reality. I usually write free verse poems, but sometimes a story appears here and there. 🏳️‍🌈🫶

323

Writings

Followers

Following

In My Memory

Lysalei

1 min read

I wish you could remain exactly how you are in my memory;

Tinted in a perfect rose gold.

But instead you are slowly fading;

Tainted by colors I don’t want to see.

I wish I didn’t have to see.

I wish I didn’t have to know.

And maybe that’s why I’m so scared to reach out,

Scared to try to catch up with the people who made me happiest.

I want to, I really do.

I miss them so, so badly.

But every t...

Poetry

Change

Lysalei

2 min read

I’m sick of this.

I’m so sick of acting like this,

So sick of feeling like this.

So much so that it twists my stomach,

It becomes venom in my blood.

It creates a writhing creature choking my lungs until I can’t breathe.

I’m being pathetic.

It’s embarrassing, honestly.

I’m better than this.

I’m holding myself to these impossible standards because… why?

Does it give me some twisted joy to watch m...

Poetry

Hopeless

Lysalei

1 min read

_You stupid, stupid girl._

_What did you think would happen?_

_What were you thinking?_

That’s the problem.

I wasn’t thinking.

I was _living_.

For a brief moment of my miserable life,

I was breathing and laughing and smiling and feeling and living.

I was so _alive_ that I forgot to think.

And now it’s hitting me like a train,

A force so real and heavy it’s crushing my chest.

I don’t know how I’m ...

Poetry

Freedom

Lysalei

1 min read

_I will not be shoved into a closet I never even started in._

Since I liked anyone,

I knew I liked both girls and boys.

Even before I knew the word for it,

I _knew_ that their gender didn’t matter to me,

I’d like them no matter what.

And now people want to tell me it’s strange to imagine girls liking other girls.

Great, quit imagining.

You listen to me every day talking about girls, so you can...

Poetry

Betrayed

Lysalei

1 min read

I’m tense.

On edge.

Guarded.

Worried.

Wary.

Scared.

_Terrified_.

It was never supposed to be like this.

Not with you, no.

It could be me against the world,

But you were always supposed to be at my back.

It was never supposed to be me against myself against the world against _you_.

You’re not supposed to be my enemy.

And you’re not, right?

I have nothing to fear from you.

I wanted a pride bracele...

Poetry

Anxiety

Lysalei

1 min read

Birds breezing in the air above,

Swooping down to peck my skull-

Or bees buzzing through my brain,

Flitting in my head to sting my thoughts-

Or crickets chirping in my ears,

Screaming warnings on everything I say or write.

Anxiety.

_ Anxiety._

** A n x i e t y.**

**_ A

...

Poetry

What Did I Do…?

Lysalei

1 min read

What did I do wrong?

I’m sorry. I know I did… something.

Isn’t this just me though?

I don’t understand,

It doesn’t make sense.

I’m acting strange, I assume.

But why?

And why are you acting even stranger?

Why are you all treating me like I’m insane,

Like I can’t be trusted,

Like I’m falling apart at the seams and you can just stuff me full of cotton to fix me,

But only one person has actually aske...

Poetry

They All Hate Me

Lysalei

1 min read

_They all hate me._

That’s fine.

It’s okay.

I know it,

And they fake it,

But it’s fine, really.

I’ve let every single person I’ve ever loved down.

And some of them say it’s fine,

That I’ve also done a lot of good.

But I know I’ll only let them down again.

And I’ll only have so many second chances.

And I’ll only keep myself together for a while longer,

So it’s better for them to hate me now anyway...

Poetry

Stupid

Lysalei

1 min read

I’m _so_ stupid.

One week and I thought everything could change-

That _I_ could change.

Of course not.

It’s ridiculous to think that one amazing week could truly change me.

Depression doesn’t go away that fast.

I’d have to rewire my entire brain,

And I’m far too tired for that.

Not wanting to die

Isn’t the same as wanting to live;

Not adding new scars

Isn’t the same as unmarked skin;

Not screami...

Poetry

(Free) Falling

Lysalei

1 min read

Falling feels like flying

Until the moment you land.

And I’m certainly flying.

I’m _free_.

And maybe I’m free falling,

But…

Does it really matter?

So what if I’ll hit the ground?

Isn’t flying worth it?

Does it matter if I crash,

As long as I touch the clouds before I fall?

For once,

I really don’t care....

Poetry