Suspended in time

Illuminated by an artificial auora

Colors envelope us as the disco ball rotates above

Our eyes interlocked in a fleeting exchange

My body frozen out of fear

Broken by an instinctual smile I contort on my face

Reminiscent of the one I sported when we were in love

You return the gesture

With a quick wave and flash of those beautiful pearly whites, you disappear with someone into the darkness of the crowd

An offer for my mind to wander into respite

My eyes know not to observe

My ears know not to listen

My body knows not to linger

And my heart knows its content with its decision

But my brain is aware of the pain and despair

All of the suffering and anguish

And because I care

I must move onward, for these are feelings we should spare

It was only a matter of time before we would see one another there.

I danced through the evening

Mesmerized and enchanted by a drunken stupor

Your presence on mind

A thought entangled in my neural pathways that I cannot out maneuver.

Across the room I am a viewer

Scanning the room and hiding from you

I should forget you’re here yet you remain an intruder

A seducer,

Polluter of my mind clogging it with thoughts and feelings I thought withered away in a sewer

I become bluer, a loser

The one who courted you unjustly

The serial monogamist recruiter

Romance pursuer turned emotional abuser

I’m encapsulated by a malignant tumor, yet I’m the doer

I can’t apologize enough and I wish I had done so sooner

In the meantime I ponder about what to say to you in the future

Because you were

An amuser

And I, your suitor

I miss you, your laugh, your music and your humor

See! I’ve gone mad? The blame I throw,

Although we both know I, the producer, and you the consumer of unnecessary strife and confusion

Often required the use of psychological sutures.

I apologize for all of my wrongdoing, my lack of communication. You’re a beautiful soul who will find their destination.

For now let’s pretend not to see each other and get lost in sensation. Lights are spraying color around the room and I hope it’s enough to hide me from you.

Farewell