My sanity My grounding My essence My being
My thoughts My hopes My dreams They are all fleeing
All that is me And harnessed within Crumpled in my mind Thrown out on a whim
For the need to fit in Is something many seek To volunteer all you hold dear Is depressing and meek
Do not throw away All that you know For the chance to agree For the oppourntity to please
Stand in your convictions On solid foundations With time you will find The right people were worth your patience.
Suspended in time Illuminated by an artificial auora Colors envelope us as the disco ball rotates above
Our eyes interlocked in a fleeting exchange My body frozen out of fear Broken by an instinctual smile I contort on my face Reminiscent of the one I sported when we were in love
You return the gesture With a quick wave and flash of those beautiful pearly whites, you disappear with someone into the darkness of the crowd An offer for my mind to wander into respite
My eyes know not to observe My ears know not to listen My body knows not to linger And my heart knows its content with its decision
But my brain is aware of the pain and despair All of the suffering and anguish And because I care I must move onward, for these are feelings we should spare It was only a matter of time before we would see one another there.
I danced through the evening Mesmerized and enchanted by a drunken stupor Your presence on mind A thought entangled in my neural pathways that I cannot out maneuver.
Across the room I am a viewer Scanning the room and hiding from you I should forget you’re here yet you remain an intruder A seducer, Polluter of my mind clogging it with thoughts and feelings I thought withered away in a sewer
I become bluer, a loser The one who courted you unjustly The serial monogamist recruiter Romance pursuer turned emotional abuser I’m encapsulated by a malignant tumor, yet I’m the doer
I can’t apologize enough and I wish I had done so sooner In the meantime I ponder about what to say to you in the future Because you were An amuser And I, your suitor I miss you, your laugh, your music and your humor
See! I’ve gone mad? The blame I throw, Although we both know I, the producer, and you the consumer of unnecessary strife and confusion Often required the use of psychological sutures.
I apologize for all of my wrongdoing, my lack of communication. You’re a beautiful soul who will find their destination.
For now let’s pretend not to see each other and get lost in sensation. Lights are spraying color around the room and I hope it’s enough to hide me from you.
Farewell
It’s beautiful that we find purpose in creativity Often creativity is rooted in originality And yet one of those most beautiful things of all time is love The one topic it is impossible to be original about
I wanted to write about you here, I passed you by in the street today. But I didn’t feel the agony I thought I would. You’re a stranger I can smile at.
They say when you think of someone randomly It’s because that person is thinking of you
I cannot see how it is possible for my thoughts to be reciprocated when any evidence of your existence is something you withdrew
And still my psyche is caught in a whirlwind of memory and fantasy
I know half of what I recall is just potential I saw, not a reflection of you but of what I would have done if you were me
If I wore your shoes, if I could have treated me the way I wish you had
And I wish more than anything that you did, because what I want is the you that my mind creates to envision any feeling except the one rooted in an reality - a myriad.
A myriad of chances and opportunities and excuses I granted Realizing now nothing was organic from the way I had planned it.
See the thing is, settling for you is just as selfish for you as it is for me, it serves nothing but to prove some self-fulfilling desire I can fix what is broken or may not have even ever been.
Love requires work and I gave it my all, the hardest part is still not knowing how you felt before, during and after our final call.
You left it to me in the end to make a decision, I know I don’t regret it but what we could still be is all I can envision.
I thought you would fight for “us” or whatever semblance of a relationship we fostered, but now I realize the lack of effort from the beginning tells me that the idea of “us” is something that would never have been able to prosper.
It was painful when I was told how fast you moved on, a day after our call and your dating profile is the first application you logon.
2 months is supposed to be innocuous, a blip in my timeline, and while your actions tell me that’s the case for you, I find myself unable to fully detach from the idea that you’re no longer someone to call mine.
This has been one big circle of thought, and right back from the beginning, there is a lesson from this that I have been taught.
I don’t know that we ever truly knew one another, it pains me to know this despite our third date when I met your sister, your father and your mother.
The you that I did get to know is different than the you I think you are, and the you that I think you are is nothing close to the you that I want to remember and miss from afar.
For now I’ll see if each day is different, if you’re running through my mind even though in real life you are missing.
Farewell beautiful boy, I thank you for what our time has taught me, settling is loneliness without the privacy. You’re gone for now and someone I can’t see, but when I think of you, can you hear me?
Barren walls, complimented by a single Scooby Doo themed light switch panel, all at the ripe age of twenty two years old.
Miscellaneous hats stacked disorderly upon the dresser look more like the remnants of an earth quake than they do the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Immediately next to this scene, a barrage of at least a dozen cologne bottles, each with a unique presentation (not to mention scent). Woodsy, Vanilla, Citrus, Florals, Cloves, Cinnamon and of course, an empty Gucci bottle, stand together, each wondering the next time they’ll be sprayed.
A clothing rack in the corner conceals his shopping addiction by presenting his clothing as an “aesthetically pleasing” piece of furniture in the corner of his room. The braggadocios leather and suede jackets pop out against the wave of denim jackets suspended next to them.
Delicately and slowly, the impression fades.
My existence gently dissipates
Peace as I sink into its silky grasp
Cusping my body
Enveloping senses with a hospitable cool touch
Nourishing me from within
Time dissolves Suddenly I am everywhere But I am here Not paralyzed, but transfixed by comfort
Everyone go buy a target mattress topper .
