She holds my hand

Our fingers intertwine

Like there’s no other place

For them to find their home

She lets our matching bracelets clink together

My rings dig slightly into her fingers

She doesn’t seem to mind

She never seems to mind

She calls me baby

Her voice is a murmur

When she urges me to rest

And tells me to lie down

She wraps her arm around me

As I drift to sleep

Cuddled up against her side

With my head in her lap

She tells me she loves me

And writes sweet words in my birthday card

About the future that we’ll have

On her yacht and in my McLaren

She convinces me it’s okay

When my two favorite F1 drivers crash

And turns off the post race show

Despite her favorite getting podium

She hugs me tighter

Every time we see each other

As if she’s trying to outdo

My constrictor-like grasp on her

She has known she’s bisexual

Since the age of four

While I grasp for reasons

To convince myself I’m straight

The little flutters of my heart are happiness

For what a great friend I lucked upon

The little tremors of my soul are despair

For what a great opportunity I fucked up on

I cling to my reasoning

I will always like men- only men

So why did my brain hiss “liar”

When my eyes met hers across the pool

I tell them she’s my best friend

My parents, her parents, our friends, strangers

Everyone has asked at one point:

“Are you sure you’re not dating?”

I don’t tell them

That I’m not sure of that myself

Because best friends

Don’t dream of delicate chapped lips

I dwell of the feeling

Of her hand on my waist

Of her hold on my hand

Of her bright eyes and silly laugh

I sit paralyzed while the lines of my life blur

As the lines of our friendship blur

And the lines of my sexuality blur

While I attempt to ignore a simple truth:

I have known all along

That my name on her lips

Will be the very reason

That my world collapses

-eap <3