I thought it was really cool

This huge deal I’d made it into the program,

Be taking physics before high school

Get myself an upper hand

I could picture myself coming to school the next year,

Armed with information like it was a weapon

No one would doubt me again

Even if that last part’s in my head

And then five months passed

I guess I never thought they were going to

And I wondered suddenly if the kids here were smarter, better

If I could do this

I told my parents my concerns,

But they wanted me to try

I guess that makes sense after the dedication and the time

So I went that very first day

I made three friends

An eclectic crowd that I didn’t see as rivals

Not yet

I think I might’ve enjoyed it too,

But very quickly the fuzzy feeling felt like an open wound

And I was waiting for the day to end

To escape again

I was drowning through dry words

Upset things didn’t make perfect sense

And the emptiness that eluded once consumed me again

She chose the wrong moment to ask if I was okay

She should’ve figured out something’s wrong sooner

Even if it’s just been a couple days

I convinced myself I needed to stay,

If I was going to get anywhere in my life

But I wasn’t strong enough,

Placed in an environment I couldn’t survive

And I know I’ll regret this

I’ll always wonder what could’ve been

If I held out a little longer

Hadn’t given in…

But right now that doesn’t matter

Because I can’t wake up tomorrow and act like I’m okay.

Being honest here? It’s been months since I’ve truly felt that way