Under the stage lights I shine as bright as any star. Behind the scenes I am broken.

As long as I can remember this was my parents’ dream, and at some point I guess it became mine.

I sing. I dance. I am graceful and poised. When I see pictures of myself performing even I think I must be living a dream.

I’m not. My body is in constant pain and discomfort from the physical strain, the diet, the sleeplessness. My thoughts routinely dwell in the darkest places.

What I wouldn’t give to have a life that is neither on stage nor off stage - a life where a few people really know me and everyone else is kind enough to leave me in peace.

The fame that comes from living part-time on stage is a drug. I used to think it was the icing on top of a delicious cake.

Now I know it’s just what numbs the pain and loneliness that consumes me when I’m behind the scenes again.

This is not the life for me.