The last thing I remember was the blinding light and loud, long wail of a horn trailing away. Like many other procrastinators, I had just parked my car and was hurriedly rushing towards the mall entrance on Christmas Eve, my mind distracted with thoughts of which stores I would check for the last minute gifts I needed to buy. Some new headphones for Emily, that overpriced, hard to find toy for Daniel that every other child on the planet seemed to also want this Christmas, for some unknown reason. Some small stocking stuffers for mom - she always loved receiving chocolates and bath bombs, so that should be easy. I absentmindedly stepped out from behind a parked car and that’s when it happened.

Bright lights. Loud wail. Crunch.

Slowly, the painful blinding light turned into a golden glow. Like the soft glow of the twilight sun over a field of sunflowers on a summer day. Soothing warmth enveloped me and all sounds slowly faded away, as if I had submerged myself in warm bath, but instead of sinking into the water, it felt like I was floating up into it.

My mind was suddenly clear of all thoughts, I was left only with an awareness of the physical sensations I felt and a deep sense of calm. I floated in this warmth for a while, savoring the serenity, thinking this is what it must feel like to be a summer breeze. Every fiber in my body moved, wispy and wave like, rising up higher and higher in a state of semi-consciousness.

Slowly, gravity started to take hold again, and I felt my eyelids fluttering, my mind coming back into focus. I could sense solid flatness against my back as I lay on the ground again, although it felt softer than I remembered. I sat up, my eyes adjusting and I was suddenly overwhelmed with vivid color all around me. The sky was painted in billowing clouds of greens, yellows, and reds. The breeze was waves of different hues splashing up against and around me. A sweet and savory scent filled the air. I inhaled deeply, never having smelled something so beautiful before. I imagine if magic had a scent, this is what it would have smelled like.

My attention was drawn to a large clearing, where the different breezes converged into what looked like a kaleidoscope of reds and greens shaped like a large fir tree. I started walking towards the tree, curious. I had no idea where I was, if this was even real, but none of that seemed to matter. An air of expectation filled me as I approached, and out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a shadowy figure. I was standing practically next to the tree now, and I turned towards the shadow. It was golden, almost glowing, and had taken the shape of a man. There was something oddly familiar about the shape as it continued to materialize, and awareness filled me. My eyes widened with disbelief.

“Dad?”, I asked hesitantly, unsure if I was just hallucinating. My father’s face was smiling back at me, just like I remembered it. I hadn’t seen that smile since he died five years prior.

“Hi, Deedee.” he answered, using the nickname my then 2 year old big brother had given me when he met me in the hospital after I was born. All my trepidation left my body in that instant and I ran into his arms, enveloping him in a tight hug.

“Dad. What is this? How are you here? Where are we?” I asked, blinking back the tears that were stinging my eyes. I pressed my head against his chest, and although something about him felt just a fraction of a degree different, it was still definitely him. My dad.

“This,” he gestured around us, “is the in between. A temporary, but necessary, stop. A beautiful place to help ease the transition.”

I pulled my head back enough to look into his smiling face, my arms still around his waist.

“Transition to what? In between where? Am I…am I…dead?” I ask, as I feel a panic start to rise inside my chest.

“A transition to what comes next. I don’t know yet what that will mean for you. It can be different for everyone, but you don’t have to be afraid, my sweet girl. I promise you everything will be okay.” He pulled away from me and suddenly the playful twinkle in his eye disappeared as he looked at me seriously. “I promise you, it will be okay.” he emphasized, and just as suddenly as he materialized, his figure started to dissipate as I desperately tried to cling to him.

“Dad!”, I cried, but he was already gone, whisked away into the breeze of reds as I fell to my knees. I wiped furiously at the tears that were streaming down my face, confusion filling me. I sat in silence, wondering what to do next, where to go. I shakily stood up, and turned to walk when another shimmering golden shape started to materialize in front of me. This shape was different, much smaller and as it took its form, I gasped in recognition.

“Milo!” I laughed, as my cat jumped into my arms. His cerulean blue eyes looked up at me as he vibrated loudly. I stroked his soft, white fur and his head butted my arm in appreciation.

“Oh I have missed you so much, buddy.” I murmured, still petting his head, cuddling him close to me. Milo had been what I called my ‘soul-pet’. That one special pet that etches their way into the depths of your heart, the one you forever talk about lovingly and longingly. Milo had just passed away recently, and the sting of his loss was still so raw and new.

Milo jumped out of my arms and walked a few feet away, turning back and looking at me expectantly, not unlike how he used to when he would try to lead me to the cat treats in the pantry.

Without hesitation, I began to follow him as he circled around the side of the large tree. “Where are you taking me, buddy?” I asked him, smiling. I still wasn’t sure what was happening, maybe this was all just a very vivid dream, but in that moment it did not matter one bit. I never thought I would see Milo again, let alone my father. The grief I had felt losing them both was crippling. The only thing worse than losing them had been -

As we approached the back side of the tree, my thoughts were abruptly shocked into silence. Standing there, a small golden figure. A boy. MY boy.

“Adam?” I whispered, unable to breathe.

“Hi, mama.” he responded, and his little voice sounded just as I remembered when I last heard it, 8 years ago. Milo sauntered over to Adam’s side and rubbed against him, his tail wrapping itself around Adam’s left leg. A ‘Milo hug’ as we used to call it. Adam reached down and gave Milo a quick scratch on the head.

My heart felt as if it had stopped, and then suddenly all at once I felt myself launch my body towards his, scooping him up in my arms and kissing his face. Tears flowed heavily down cheeks, dripping off my face and onto his. I was unable to form coherent thoughts, words just stumbled out of my mouth as I clutched him close to me, rocking his little four year old body.

“Oh my God, Adam. My Adam. My baby. My sweet boy. I can’t believe it’s you. I have missed you so much, I love you! I..I..” I blubbered on as I continued to hug and kiss him. I grabbed both sides of his cheeks and looked into his chocolate brown eyes framed with thick, long lashes. “Oh baby boy, I have missed you every single day since we have been apart. I love you so much, Adam”.

“I love you too, mama. I missed you thissss big.” he responded, and I laughed as he gestured wide with his arms, just like he always used to when we were apart from each other for any short amount of time. I pulled him into my arms again, Milo rubbing against both of us now, my heart so full it could explode.

“Welcome home, mama.” he said, his voice sounding distant as I felt the familiar warmth wash over me again. The sensation of rising up, floating, filled me again and as I looked down, I saw all three of us slowly dissipating. Adam green, Milo red, and myself a warm golden yellow. We rose into the sky, melting into each other and the calm serenity once again fell over me, my last remaining thought slowly fading away,

“I love you, Adam.”

A final whisper in the wind,

“I love you, mama. Merry Christmas.”