Manners and Murder

“I need to confess something.. I did it. Now, can you pass the wine?” Said Mr. Frisbee

“May you pass the wine,” said Sir Reginald.

“May you pass the wine.”

“May you pass the wine, what?”

“Please, Sir Reginald, I don’t have time for manners. This is quite urgent.”

“Oh, but you just said please? Now, why couldn’t you add that after asking for the wine?”

Sir Reginald was hardly paying attention. He seemed preoccupied with the salmon laid out in front of him.

“Such an insufferable Persian you are! Forget the wine! I did it!” Mr. Frisbee was screeching now.

“Please, calm yourself, Mr. Frisbee, no need to froth at the mouth like a lowly dog. Please, have some wine. It will calm you.” He pushed toward a glass of red wine, and Mr. Frisbee wasted no time lapping it up.

“Now that your nerves are settling tell me what has gotten you so worked up. It couldn’t possibly be about the murder of Johnny Hamster, could it? Please, do not tell me you are fretting over the death of a..” his nose scrunched up as if he had smelled the rotting corpse of Johnny, “a rodent.”

“It was an accident! I didn’t see him coming, and we collided… and and his ball, it just… it went out the doggy door. I saw him… in his ball… oh god, Reggie, there was a car and… why was the doggy door unlocked? Who the hell has a doggy door installed on the front door?”

“Mr. Frisbee, that was no accident. I asked Rufus to push Johnny Hamster as you dashed across the hall. It was all very calculated to make it seem like an accident.”

“But…. But why? What did he do to deserve that?”

Sir Reginald slapped the salmon out from in front of him and roared, “WHAT DID HE DO? WHAT DID THAT MISERABLE RODENT DO TO DESERVE THAT? THE CATNIP FRISBEE THE GODDAMN CATNIP. He’s been skimming off the top, selling on his own time. Ripping me off. So I did what any man in my position of power would do. I eliminated the competition.”

“Reggie, he was family! You don’t do that to family!” Mr. Frisbee started to sway a little bit.

“Everything alright Mr. Frisbee? You seem a little… off. Here have some more wine,” he said with a Cheshire grin.

“What… what’s in the wine Reggie? What did you do to me?”

“Loose lips sink ships, Mr. Frisbee. I’m sorry but I cannot trust you. Especially someone who lacks simple manners.

Mr. Frisbees’ eyes grew heavy and he fell asleep.

Mrs. Bonabee came out from the kitchen.

“Oh how cute! Look at you two cute kitties having a little din din together! Looks like Mr. Frisbee had a bit too much catbernet, aye Sir Reginald? Oh you kits sure do crack me up.”

“Don’t worry madame, I’ll have Rufus put Mr. Frisbee down for a nice, cool dirt nap in a minute.”

But all Mrs. Bonabee heard was, “Meow.”

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