She wakes up late with a heavy heart and soul. The nausea crept up her throat from the pit of her stomach; the realisation of yesterday was real.

24 hours before

She was nervous but she had to ask, she needed to know. She messaged the girl she has fallen in love with “Hey love I have a question for you. I have been wanting to ask for a little while but honestly I haven’t been brave enough to ask. I don’t know if brave is the right word lol I understand where you are from what you have told me with somethings, but can we talk about one part. No matter the answer it’s okay there is no right or wrong. No matter what I still want to be in your life if you let me. My question and what I want to talk about is where do we stand right now? Do you still feel the same way or have things changed? All I know is that I care about you a lot and I’m willing to wait as long as it takes. Though I’m also in need of knowing your side of this too. I’m not saying I need you to say I’m yours and let’s be in a relationship right now. I just would like to know if you still feel the same as you did near the beginning I know I do and look I understand if you don’t I really do these things happen. It’s life. It sucks but it’s life. I’ll wait as long as it takes. I’ll be here because you’re worth it. I would like to talk to you about this if you can. We don’t need a phone call if you don’t want but I would like to be able to text at the same time if that makes sense?”

This was the worst day ever, every two seconds she was checking her phone. Until that night it was on her night stand and it dinged. She bounced over her bed and grabbed her phone so fast she almost feel over.

“I do understand and you have my undivided attention. Give me a second to answer your questions.”

Her heart dropped and she waits.

“I do like you, a lot. I admit that my feelings have taken a backseat though. Not that they are gone, but I did have to pump my breaks considering our situation. I did try to keep faith that maybe the long distance wouldn’t be hard. But I found the more I let myself be vulnerable and open, the harder it was. I definitely felt I kept more of a dream state when we began talking. But my reality kicked back in, and that is just that I have a lot I need to work through emotionally before I can fully give myself to someone again. And while dreams and talk of a future felt amazing, I’d wake the next day to my reality, my job, my commitments here, and it got harder to imagine leaving it. I don’t like that, because I wish it was easier. Reality is a Bitch compared to my heart and what I feel. And at the same time you have so much going on at any given moment, and I don’t know how to tell you these things. I want you to be good with yourself too, to be safe and comfortable. So I do feel the same, and still adore you. It’s just changed in the terms of I had to stop say dreaming of the day, and just go day to day in the life that’s in front of me, and face my demons that live here. So I will say, that I’m just not in a place to give myself to anyone. I thought maybe I was, hoped, but I don’t want you holding out and waiting on me, because I can’t say what will happen”

The friendship is wanted but her heart shatters.