Goodbyes are always hard. When you first meet a person you don’t think about the day you’ll see them for the last time or begin to think of them as a stranger.

So when I heard the news that the lump growing abnormally large on my right breast was cancer, I knew there wasn’t much time. There were too many people, too many people to say goodbye and too many people who I couldn’t leave just yet.

Every time after the diagnosis when I stared into my husband eyes they shined with hope, that I would get better and push through the treatment. But the days grew long and I got worse. The shine in my husband eyes eventually turned into sorrow, I knew even then that I couldn’t do this to him. Cancer was ruining our ordinary sweet life. The baby growing in my stomach would have its life cut short before it even began. I didn’t even get the chance to tell anyone, no one knew I was pregnant.

Every night I would lay awake knowing that if the lump hadn’t appeared or I did my regular checkups like I was told to, I would be having a beautiful baby with my loving husband. We would be a family, however knowing that they were only fantasies broke my heart. I was going to leave this world and leave my husband alone.

When the time came leaving wasn’t easy, but I knew I needed it to keep myself from falling apart in front of the people I love.