I drove the rental car off the docks right into the ocean

Cigarettes from the previous driver rose and floated out the open window and to the surface

I sank with it for a few seconds

Savored the machine's last putter, last mechanical breaths

Salt water rushed in to pin us to the sand

For the many pairs of arms that have held me

Maybe for comfort, mine or theirs, for love, for sex, for kindness, for sorrow

Have never failed to cling to me, each and every one

Between the wrinkles of my mind like a popcorn kernal between my teeth

For the golden lights of city after city

Crickets singing in the mountains on summer nights, after the temperatures have dropped for the day like I dropped the ball on Christmas

I have never felt more peace than when I was dying together with that old beat up car

We were one in the same, so many people and places we weren't supposed to be

I've never returned though

I wonder if the people from ten years ago think about me

I wonder if the people from last year even think about me

I think about everyone

The first gasp of air after breaking the surface was the most painful

Maybe I should've stayed inside, at least died somewhere, with allegiance to something, even if it was just a rusty car

I walked away from the docks, leaving the rental and every stain and reminder to the sea floor