it never came when i wanted

ran by it’s own schedule

the one time i called it

it pat me on the shoulder

like i was nothing but a kid

“it’s not your time yet” it said

voice distorted and yet i understood

i would have to wait until it wanted to get me

and so i did, although rather impatiently

i tried to recreate my call to get it back here

i think it heard but chose to ignore

it left me waiting, wanting me in agony

i thought it hates me because it never came

no matter how loud i screamed, how broken i cried

i wanted it to save me from my life

it said it’s not my time but

don’t i get to be the one that chooses?

if i want to go now isn’t that my fate?

to die and live if i want to and how?

it never called me back until

years and years had passed

when i was older, less bitter

and wise

it laughed when i glared at it

standing over me in my bed

my children’s children in the other room

my spouse sleeping soundly to my left

“it’s time” it said

and i cried for all the right reasons

it knew what it did when it left me

all those years ago

it was giving me a chance to live

“just a little longer?” i asked, tears hot on my face

it smiled soft and sweet, like it wanted to say yes

“it’s time, i’m sorry” it said

and i thought of my life

as i moved my blanket and put on my slippers

i thought of buying my first house

filling it with beautiful things

like my spouse and children and my grandkids

of pets and paintings

pictures of my family smiling

furniture passed on from generations before

i thought of my life

of being young, not wanting a life to mourn

i put on my robe and followed it out

silence between us giving me strength i said

“thank you for not taking me before my time”

and it smiled and held out it’s arm, as it escorted me away from my life