Laughter echoed about the room
I turn to find the attacking eyes
Then quickly bow my head
Were they laughing at me?
I’d assume they were
What for?
Oh, I’m not sure
They could laugh at any of me
My shoes
My face
My hands
Or all
I’m a joke
Why wouldn’t they laugh?
As I meet those eyes again
They don’t notice me
It seems that after all
The laughter was never of me—
But of joy
Friendship
Unity
This is a great little piece, Hailey! And I can definitely relate to these feelings. Despite its short length, we learn a lot about the narrator and the way they feel about themselves and the world.
I wonder if the last line should be laughter “at me” rather than “of me”? Although don’t quote me, I’ve lived abroad for many years so doubt myself a lot when it comes to things like this nowadays haha.
I would have loved to have seen an extra line or two emphasising the what the character felt to discover it wasn’t them being laughed at. Perhaps that’s where HM Violet was going with her advice. Because we got to know the character so well in such a short period, I think you could “resolve” this entire piece somehow with a line of closure at the end.
I’ve read through a couple of your pieces now, I’m impressed :) Keep it up.
I like the direction you took with this. Honestly, the laughter potentially being teasing never even crossed my mind. It makes a lot of sense!
Quick question! With your last line, what emotion is your protagonist experiencing? Relief maybe? Further embarrassment? I ask this because I had an idea to help improve clarity, if you’re interested!
