Without Benefits

I see people on the internet,

Talking about tactics of manipulation,

To get a guy obsessed with them or something.

I don’t think it’s funny,

I don’t think it’s cool.

I have been on the receiving end.

This does not breed happiness.

I just really fucking hate you.

I wonder if that’s where you got your material from.

It felt awfully familiar.

You’re never too young to meet an emotional abuser.

The hot and cold,

The insults.

The “compliments”.

It’s so much easier to see from the outside.

And everybody wonders why people don’t step out,

The second they see them in a bad light.

I’ll be wearing this branding for life.

There was a before you,

The during you was hell,

And the after you is healing.

But it’s like the wound is infected,

Or like you’re ripping the stitches out.

I feel better

Then I’m down in the trenches again.

They were my home when I was with you.

But you glamoured me into thinking

It was a cozy little cottage,

With a chimney on the roof.

You fed me baseless dreams,

While you fed on my hopes.

I wonder what the goal was,

I really do.

I wonder what the point of it was.

You said you believe that everything happens for a reason.

I call bullshit.

Without you,

I would still have the people closest to me,

I would still have the same personality,

Maybe just less disturbed.

And maybe a little happier.

Maybe the world would be a better place.

Maybe the sun would shine more.

Maybe I wouldn’t be scared of running into you wherever I go,

Maybe I wouldn’t be so scared of other people,

Maybe I wouldn’t be so scared of turning into you.

But I’m terrified.

I’m so terrified,

Because I was burdened with something called conscience.

You wouldn’t know what that was…

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