If only you knew

Maybe you could understand.

Understand the way I talk,

the way I dress,

the way I think.

Maybe then you wouldn’t just see me,

but truly see me.

Me, with all my flaws,

my trauma,

my fears.

If only you would look behind the mask

that I wear like a pro.

Hiding behind it secretly,

but still protected.

Maybe you could understand

my thoughts,

my feelings,

my fears.

And maybe the next time

I whisper in your ear

that I’m scared—

scared of getting lost in the crowd,

of disappearing in my own mind,

of disappointing the people I love,

of losing the only things I have,

the only things I am—

you won’t just look at me with big eyes,

but maybe you’ll hold me,

give me a hug,

a kiss.

I don’t know.

Anything,

Will make my heart feel better.

Better than your cold shoulder,

Your judgments, your confusion.

Maybe you would recognize

that there’s more in me.

That I am more than my beauty.

That there’s a soul.

But you can’t.

You won’t.

Maybe you’ll never try.

Maybe you’re too afraid—

or just terrified to know the truth,

which would make everything more complicated.

I understand you.

It’s easier to deal with the easy ones,

with a smile on their face,

instead of the weird girl.

And that’s okay.

Maybe one day

you’ll see and learn.

See everything you could have,

could have been—

but were too afraid to notice.

Maybe you’ll regret it,

wishing everything had turned out differently.

But then it will be too late.

If only you’d try once—

I promise,

you’d never want to go back.