“This is your fault”.

“How do you figure that?”

“Well, considering she’s your ex-girlfriend and a psycho…”

“Hey, to be fair, I didn’t realize she was psycho!”

“Dude, really? Your actually trying to tell me that you didn’t realize Jenny was a nutter?”

“Nutter, really?”

“Don’t change the subject man; you totally knew she was a schizo; we all know that chick’sschizo”

“Really? Everyone?”

“Hell yeah, even Ma. I mean, didn’t you ever wonder why Ma always hovered around the telephone when Jenny was around?”

“No, I just assumed she was waiting for a call…?”

“No dude. Ma kept close to the phone cause she wanted to be prepared in case Jenny snapped and did something crazy”.”

“You’re shitting me? Really? Was it really that bad?”

“Dude? Are you serious? Of course, it was that bad!”

“Huh. I meant, you’re right, I did realize Jenny had her quirks but…Really? Ma really did that?”

“Quirks?Quirks?I love you man, I really do. You’re my brother, I kinda have to love you but seriously, sometimes I wonder if Ma and Dad DID actually drop you on your head when you were a baby”.

“Hey!”

“Seriously. She pushed your car off a bridge…”

“She was angry. I forgot to callll her when I hung out with you after work”.

“She drove to my house; - while you were still there - Hotwired your car and drove away without even ringing the doorbell”.

“She…”

“Then there was the time she burned all your clothes when you didn’t buy that shirt she said would look good on you”.

“It did and besides she just wanted me to go shopping, try a new

“She called you - literally - every fifteen minutes at you’re last job…last three jobs. SHe got you fired she was calling so much”

“SHe said she just wanted to hear my voice”.

“…she stalked and probably still stalks your other ex-girlfriends. She even went so far as to drive fourteen hours just to tell Kate that there was no chance in hell of you two getting back together in person”.

“So she’s a bit passionate”.

“What the actual…you know, nevermind. What do you call this bro, is this just another one of Jenny’s quirks?”

“…”

“Well, are you gonna answer me?”

“…”

“‘M waiting man”

“I don’t know…may-“

“Might I remind you, that is, if you somehow managed to not realize…were currently upside down”.

“I didn’t forget!”

“Chained! Chained upside down…”

“I-“

“…in her basement…”

“I know-“

“After she abducted, mind you, BOTh of us…”

“I. Can’t explain that part”t…”

“Really? I can”.

“How?”

“We’re twins”

“How does that-“

“Identical twins…”

“So…?”

“Man, really?Are you really that stupid?”

“Hey now!”

“Dude! She couldn’t tell us apart so she kidnapped us both!”

“How do you know that?”

“Ugh! If i didn’t have a bitch of a headache caused by blood rushing to my head I’d seriously consider smashing my head against the wall I’m chained too”.

“…”

“…she said. And I quote “I’m not entirely sure you’re Tony but just in case, I might as well take you too…”.

“Huh. At least she’s thorough…”

“Argh! You’re such…you’re so…ugh!”

“What? It’s true. Kind of cute too…”

“Holy shit…i get it now…you’re nuts too”

“Hey, no I’m not. I’m just saying, Jenny put a lot of thought into this”

“She kidnapped us…”

“Yes”.

“…because she couldn’t tell us apart…”

“Yep”.

“…chained us up - upside down - in her basement…”

“Mmhm”

“…before leaving us to go have dinner at her parents house…”

“Yeah…I bet she brings us back food. SHe really is considerate…”

“Tony?”

“Yeah, Nick?”

“You’re actually impressed by this. And impressed, impressed. YOu’re flattered by it”.

“Kinda? Like I said, Jen put a lot of time and effort in gaining my attention”

“Tony?”

“Yeah?”

“If you like this crazy shit so much; why’d you even break up with her in the first place?”

“She snores like a log. It’s a real turn off. Drives me nuts”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“Tony?”

“Yeah, bro?’

“…if we get out of this…”

“Yeah?”

“You better watch yourself…”

“Why’s that man?

“Because I’m going to fucking kill you”.