“Well Ashe , what is the most ridiculous thing you’ve believed?”

I think the expected answer here is something out of a fairytale, its anticipated that we say its mermaids, or fairies, or monsters under the bed. But for me it’s love.

Is love real? Does It not exist? I find It crazy I’ve spent my whole life believing that if I found a man who loves me unconditionally I would love him back just as much as he loved me. And yet I find myself now wondering if maybe I’m not capable of such emotions. Perhaps I’m a narcissist and I can only love myself. I could blame It on my childhood full of daddy issues and trauma. I could blame It on my divorced parents. In retrospect I could blame It on my zodiac sign like everyone else my age does, but I’m trying to be more responsible than that. The truth is I had a boyfriend who loved me more than I deserved to be loved , but he wasn’t what I wanted.

I looked up at Connor who’s face was calm but also confused trying to figure out why it’s taken me this long to reply. He didn’t know that I’d been thinking of ending things for weeks already.

“Mermaids.” I blurted “I believed for the longest time that we would find evidence. I actually wrote an essay about It in college.”

I tried to brush my intrusive thoughts about our crumbling relationship back into my head like I always do.

“Well that’s just silly!” He said and laughed at me. He was such a sweet boy and I so badly wanted to love him but couldn’t get myself to do It the way he deserved.