Warmth has left the air and entered our spirits Indoor activities and cozy nights in New Years resolutions & holiday wishes Trees decorated in windows and lights through the town Early sunsets and chilly evenings Rooftops full of snow and icicles on windows

The bass from the speakers was deep in my ear drums. The floor was shaking under the weight of the dancing crowd. I couldn’t hear Kara over the music but she was dragging me through the club. People shouted their hello’s at her and she hugged strangers all night. While I was internally in a panic that I couldn’t hear my own voice in my head. I didn’t want to be there, but I knew if I’d stayed home I would’ve cried al night and been miserable. Break ups were never easy, but this was the worst. Kara passed me another shot of tequila that I downed before she could even get her own. I was just trying to drink until I was numb. I was drinking until I couldn’t be bothered by the terrible music the dj was playing or the fact that people kept shoving past me with no regard for my personal space. The buzz was starting to kick in and I was loosening up and dancing a bit. It was always like this on a night out her her. She was the song, the life of the party, while I was background music that no one paid attention to. Kara and I danced and drank and drank and danced, before I knew it I was almost enjoying myself. I’d completely forgotten about Daniel and I was enjoying just being free and putting myself out there. I was even approached by a few guys on the dance floor. This is why I loved Kara, she knew how to push me just enough to break me out of my little shell of self isolation. “Let’s go do another shot!” I screamed over the music and grabbed her hand an lead her to the bar. “You’re glowing right now and its not just the sweat on your face” she laughed and hugged me. We grabbed our shots and clinked the glasses together. Two guys from the dance floor came over and offered to buy us another round. She looked at me for approval, always making sure I wasn’t overwhelmed. I nodded at her and smiled. “Tequila, no lime!” I yelled out and laughed “Wooooh we got a wild one over hear” said the taller of the two guys. “I’m Kara, this is Sky” she introduced us to them and put her hand out to them. “I’m Blake and this is Nick” said the shorter of the two. I could already see that he was into Kara. He was eyeing her up and down and held her hand while he spoke. “You don’t come here often do you?” Nick said to me with a smirk “No only when this one drags me out of the house” I laughed and playfully slapped at Kara’s arm. “That’s a shame, you seem like a fun time.” I laughed and we walked back out to the dance floor. I wasn’t usually one to dance with random guys like that but he was gorgeous and I was having the time of my life getting attention from someone new. I danced with him all night and then the music stopped and the lights flashed on and off for last call. I looked over to where Kara had been dancing with Nick’s friend but she was nowhere to be seen.

The sun is always shining And when it’s not we play in the rain The days of fun fly by Exuberant and joyful There’s always new things to learn And new discoveries around every corner Nothing seems old or forgotten A shiny new toy on a birthday A trip to a theme park Vacations with family It doesn’t last forever But it’s blissful when you’ve got It

I didn’t wanna wake up I didn’t wanna mess up I wanted to sleep I was in too deep I could keep going But the dark was growing

I had to make a change I could simply rearrange I wanted to do better I always wanted better I needed a reminder But simply couldn’t find her

I pushed her away I left her that day I tried to run back there I knew she was rare I knew we were done But she was the one

So I woke up And I opened up And I learned to be true But none of It mattered Everything was tattered We were simply through

Wake up and smile Put your makeup on Get dressed and head out Follow the routine Pretend

The world isn’t crumbling Your earth isn’t shattering You aren’t at war inside You are normal Pretend

Go to work Smile at the customers Talk to the clients Finish the day Pretend

You’re almost alone Though you always feel alone Inside you want It to end But you have to keep going Pretend

Go home and have dinner Talk to your husband Tell him you love him Shower the day off Pretend

Cry in the shower Break down those emotions Give up the act You’re losing the strength You can not pretend

Dear diary; Today there was a new student in class. He had the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen and hair that looked softer than a brand new plush blanket. I’m pretty sure he caught me staring at him but I couldn’t help myself. Living in this small town its not often handsome new guys just come strolling into my precalculus class on a Tuesday morning. I have to remind myself to dress cute tomorrow to impress him. It’s been 7 months since Kyle and I broke up and prom is only 2 months away so I may have found myself a new contender. We shall see how this goes ;) XO Minerva

Dear journal Today I started at Richmond high for the first time, I have to say its nothing like New York. I can already see ill be bored out of my mind here and as for making friends, I guess its a good thing my therapist made me start writing in this journal. As far as the female situation goes at school , I may have seen the most gorgeous girl I’ve ever laid eyes on today. She has bright orange hair that literally glows, It caught my eye the second I walked into math class this morning. I’m not one to make the first move with girls but I may have to try for her. Will check in tomorrow -tony

Dear diary; I woke up just a little extra early today with hopes of impressing this new mystery guy from school and I have to say , I think It worked. I walked into class late on purpose so he would have to watch me walk in the room. As soon as I opened the door to the classroom he was already staring at me and quickly put his head down. What a sweet shy boy, cant wait to ruin his life. I sat in the chair directly in front of him and made sure to flip my hair back in hopes of him smelling my perfume. He also looked ridiculously attractive today , but I cant imagine that was something he had to work at. I sat silent that entire period actually a bit nervous when he didn’t try to talk to me right away. And then the bell rang and on our way out of the classroom he stopped me and say his name was tony and that he had just moved here from NY. I knew boys from Pennsylvania couldn’t look that good. I smiled at him and told him my name. He said he loved It and had never met anyone named Minerva. I was already unforgettable , what can I say dear diary of mine? We talked while walking to my next class and I almost didn’t want to go to health class , but he said he would see me tomorrow and nervously waved goodbye.

Dear journal Minerva. Her name is Minerva. She’s already cooler than any girl I’ve met in the city and seems to actually have more personality than the shallow girls of New York. I will say she looked even more beautiful today than the day before too. I almost couldn’t summon up the courage to talk to her today but at the last second forced myself because Dr. Banks told me I had to put myself out there and not be afraid of meeting people. I dont know if she could tell how nervous I was but we talked and I walked her to her next class and got myself lost in the process. I was late to my history class but It was well worth it for an extra minute talking to her. I’m hoping tomorrow she sits near me in class and we can talk more. I like getting to know her. Ill let you know how that goes.

• T

“Well Ashe , what is the most ridiculous thing you’ve believed?” I think the expected answer here is something out of a fairytale, its anticipated that we say its mermaids, or fairies, or monsters under the bed. But for me it’s love. Is love real? Does It not exist? I find It crazy I’ve spent my whole life believing that if I found a man who loves me unconditionally I would love him back just as much as he loved me. And yet I find myself now wondering if maybe I’m not capable of such emotions. Perhaps I’m a narcissist and I can only love myself. I could blame It on my childhood full of daddy issues and trauma. I could blame It on my divorced parents. In retrospect I could blame It on my zodiac sign like everyone else my age does, but I’m trying to be more responsible than that. The truth is I had a boyfriend who loved me more than I deserved to be loved , but he wasn’t what I wanted. I looked up at Connor who’s face was calm but also confused trying to figure out why it’s taken me this long to reply. He didn’t know that I’d been thinking of ending things for weeks already. “Mermaids.” I blurted “I believed for the longest time that we would find evidence. I actually wrote an essay about It in college.” I tried to brush my intrusive thoughts about our crumbling relationship back into my head like I always do. “Well that’s just silly!” He said and laughed at me. He was such a sweet boy and I so badly wanted to love him but couldn’t get myself to do It the way he deserved.