You two were gone

The fun nights

The happiness

The laughter

The feeling of carelessness

All gone

New people

No similarities

Below them

I am below them

A new language

I don’t speak

Don’t understand

I cant talk

Communicate with others

I am mute here

Unable to express myself

Meet others

I don’t want to

But I want to be able to

To talk to others

Meet others

Feel heard in this web that I call life

Feel listened to

Feel like I matter

Feel that people want me around

Feel like people care

Care about me

Care about my thoughts

Care about my opinions

What I have to say

What I think

Care that I want to be myself

Let me be myself

Don’t judge me for being myself

Your presence is gone

The world is wrong

The people here don’t care

They don’t want to

They cant

They don’t know

How I feel

What I think

What everything means

What I call home

Where my real home is

They don’t know

They don’t care

They told me I had friends

They told me people cared

Told me it would be okay

The holes would fade

Be filled by more happiness

They haven’t been

I feel your presence

Like a ghost haunting me

Telling me to come

Only to stop me

To tell me no

That I cant continue

That you don’t care

That you’ve moved on

That I have been forgotten

Replaced

Hated

A year in

No friends

They don’t care

I can speak now

Enough to express my hate

My annoyance

The faults here

The mistakes

Then I found a friend

Someone who couldn’t speak

Who couldn’t share

Who wasn’t listened to

They weren’t as great as you two

Not as understanding

As funny

As similar

But kind

Knew what I felt

Knew the hardships

Knew the struggles

Knew the feeling of being lost

She helped me

Navigate my life

Helped me through it

Helped me through the pain

Through the feeling of darkness

Of never finding the light

Being lost forever

Gave me a new sense

A place

To belong

To share

Thoughts held in for a year

My life

What I felt

My opinion

They gave me a confidence

To speak

To share

To tell others

They gave me the opportunity to say

Say my life

Say my thoughts

Say my opinion

The darkness still comes

You two I still miss

Like burns in my soul

But there is no ghost anymore

Just real life

The solid ground

The feeling of breathing

Sharing

Telling

Understanding

This is what I missed

The ability to do all this

The ability to be myself

I had it back

I could share

Tell others

Make progress

Be happy

Miss you two all the same

Think of you guys at night

Cry about it

About life

The unfairness

But it will all be over soon

I will be free

More free than before

I will be happy

Happier then I had been for two years

Happier than ever

The absence is still keenly felt

But now the gaps can be refilled