I take out my pen and start writing my letter.

Dear Santa,

Hey, dude, why? I’m mean, just why? The naughty list, seriously. I only crashed 5 cars, 7 boats, 3 bikes, 9 scooters, stole a lollipop, and broke 1,343,755,395 of the things my brother told me not to touch. Oh.

Anyways, you should really take me off the naughty list. Think of all the good things I’ve done this year. I, uh, I obviously uhm, uhm…I helped clear out my moms wallet! That’s what I did.

Great, now that you’ve taken me off the naughty list (hopefully), I can tell you what I want for Christmas (oh no). First, I want Mariah Carey’s engagement ring. I’m pretty sure you don’t make that in the ol’ workshop, huh? Just go and buy it for $10 million, it’s fine.

Next, I want the red and white suit that your probably wearing right now. After I wash it out to get rid of the stink, and make it 17 million sizes smaller, it will make some pretty comfy clothes. I can also walk around saying, “Ho Ho Ho I’m and old fat guy that sneaks into people houses an puts candy in their oversized socks.”

Also, I want 282,927,397,729 dollars. My mom said that each time I break something I have to give her a dollar. Let’s just say, I’ve broken a lot of things. Yeah. Huh. I’m so destructive, maybe I should stop break-Ooh, a new expensive vase! I wonder what happens if I do this. CRASH. BOOM. Yeah, add an extra dollar to that.

Anyways, thanks for the presents in advance. Don’t get thin! Also, go to the doctor. You eat around 2.2 billion cookies each year. I’m no doctor, or that smart, but I know for sure that can’t be healthy.

Thanks, you fat old man! -The Annoying Little Kid Down The Street.