She didn’t know what I was thinking. I couldn’t tell her…. I didn’t love her, but she just told me she was pregnant.

“She said you’re gonna be a father.” I remember. She wasn’t looking at me, just straight ahead , looking out of the front windscreen of the car. Here I was looking forward to a nice steak at our favourite restaurant. Now I was sick to my stomach. I didn’t know what to say, so I said the most stupid statement, I mean I knew I didn’t love her but I cared for her and she was my best friend.

I said “ Are you sure I’m the father, I mean it is my baby.?” How could I be so callus! She still didn’t look at me, but I saw the tear roll slowly down her cheek. It’s path cut my heart in two. l said “Don’t cry, Anna, I’m sorry, you just took me by surprise , this is the last thing I expected!” And again! How stupid, and cruel can ones mind be to say “ what are you going to,do ?”

She turned her face towards me and looked through tears grey eyes, and said in a whisper,” I will get rid of it”.

I started to back pedal, I mean,that was my baby, “No you can’t do that.! That isn’t right! We can work it out ok?”

“ tell me,” she said, “ Do you love me?, because unless you do and we get married, there isn’t a point to bring a baby into the world by a single mum and then having it taken away and put up for adoption, I just can’t even deal with that thought”.

“Neither could I, but marry, be a Dad? No That wasn’t me .” So I said “ look, let me think about it, Ok? .We will come up with something., yeah ?”

“ There is much time to do that Tom, she said quietly. I am nearly three months already. I swear to you I didn’t think of being pregnant, I just thought, doing all the shift work, and studying, that I was overtired. It wasn’t til I realised that I hadn’t had my monthlies for a while, that “ oh my God, I am so scared , if Matron finds out before I have my State exams she will make sure I will have to leave, so I won’t become, fully trained and a Sister. I’ve worked so hard, for the last four years….”

She put her face into her hands and started to sob.

If only I could go back to that moment, and comfort her, do the right thing and marry her But I can’t.

I didn’t see her or hear from here for a couple of weeks, So I rang her. The girls in the dormitory and answered the phone, for anyone on their floor and went and got the person that was bei called. “ Oh, are you Anna’s boyfriend,”some girl asked. “Yes May I speak to her please?”

“Nah sorry, Anna left a few days ago.”

“Left? What do you mean left.”

“”She’s gone! That’s all I know !” The girl said simply, “All her things have gone too.”

“Where did she go.?”asked.

“ I dunno,”said the girl, “But her parents, came and gathered up her stuff, and then left, we did ask them but they just shook their heads. They looked pretty upset, so,I didn’t say anything more”.

This sounded awfully bad. What has happened. I had met her parents plenty of times and got on pretty well with them so thought, ring them and I did.

“Oh my gosh,….. she……umm , do you know if she’s alright?”

“ Well shes not! Her Dad said she died in an accident! She was a really lovely girl and good nurse, you just never know when you time is up”

“ I shoulda told her I loved her……