I love you,

But I don’t know if I’m still in love with you.”

“The is my time for me to be selfish.”

“Y’all just don’t want me to be happy.”

You always liked watching fires

You told me; the colors made everything brighter

That when the sparks crackled you got goosebumps

Chills would rush through your body

& fill your lungs with ambition

The smell of things burning pleased you

Made you feel Powerful & fulfilled

Just like a fire

You loved to destroy everything around you

Especially me

You would light every emotion on fire

Then Isolate flames so that I could burn out alone

Then an “I Love You” would slither off your tongue

Slip through every inch of my body to Make my skin crawl you would crawl through my mind

Destroying my insanity

Manipulate our conversations by telling me…

“Why are you giving up?”

“Yes, I cheated for 3 years, but what about the years before that?”

“I know I cheated, but…..”

“Everybody thinks I’m this big cheater ”

“That’s not what happened, he is just my friend.”

“Maybe I should kill myself.”

“He knew how much I loved you”

Every sentence you said to started with “because I love you”

As if it was ever love

I was just a player in your game; like how often can you push & how much can you prick till I bleed out & become dry

You were a master manipulator

You & your side nigga

Puppeteering words

that pulled and yanked parts of me That I didn’t know existed

You controlled so much of me…

I actually started to believe that you truly loved me

That maybe I could’ve changed something

maybe the blame for your actions was mine for the taking

But this love… your love was gaslighting

The constant mind manipulating was slowly destroying every part of me

Being with you was like being stuck in a fire

You sucked up all the oxygen

So that I was unable to breathe

used me to fill the lonely void of your life, to make yourself look better

Like maybe you were worth something

So you took my worth & made it your own

Traded in my heart for your pride

My mind for your strength

My tears for blood

Baby

Instead of being in love

We were in gaslighting

Until you finally put out the flame.