I love you,

But I don’t know if I’m still in love with you.”

“The is my time for me to be selfish.”

“Y’all just don’t want me to be happy.”

You always liked watching fires

You told me; the colors made everything brighter

That when the sparks crackled you got goosebumps

Chills would rush through your body

& fill your lungs with ambition

The smell of things burning pleased you

Made you feel Powerful...

I know love is suppose to be this beautiful thing

But I just can’t get with it.

I go up….love goes down

I go left….love goes right

I say I’m ready…..love says, “Not yet, she’s trying to protect her heart”.

Well, what about my heart???

Maybe there is love out there….but it is running from me.

& I’m tired of chasing it.

I've cried too much over females.

I'm done crying.

I've given my all to the fe...

I find that you’re on me mind,

more often than any other thought.

Sometimes I bring you there purposely,

to console me, or warm me, or just to make my day a little brighter.

So often you surprise me though,

& find your own way into my thoughts.

There are times,

when I awaken & realize what a tender part of my dreams you have been.

& all through the day,

when a peaceful moment seems to come my way,...

Monogamy is cool,

it’s manotany that sucks.

So every night I take home the same woman,

but some nights we switch it up.

Some nights she is my good girl,

other nights she’s my slut.

Some nights we make love,

other nights we straight f**k.

Some nights she likes it smooth,

other nights she likes it rough.

& who better to lick her clit like licorice,

bend her over the dresser & bless her

bang her back...

It's one of those days where I start thinking, "Did you ever love me?"

In all those times you said you did, is there at least one truth about it?

You turned your back to me & walked away

You

You are a fucking coward

You did not face me when I called your name

All that I'm asking right now is for the truth about everything

Because if you really did love me, then why did you cheat?

Why did you Lie...

It may seem like you have control of my life right now, but you really don’t.

Your presence only makes me stronger, braver, kinder & wiser.

I choose how I think, what I speak & how I love.

You will never be able to touch those things. Never.

The fear of your name no longer haunts my soul because I know that my soul belong to me & God.

You may take your claim on this outer shell of mine, but n...

Cold feet doubts concealed

Ulterior motives in time revealed

Disclaimer fine prints

Upon the breach of a one flesh contract

Vows to self for plausible conditions

For separation sequences

Like the countdown

Of time bomb cardiac unrest

Divorce receptions

Nails in the coffin of the sacred

Going through the motions

Of a revoked license for intimacy

For procedural acts of integrity

File...

-Born into the color of my skin I was destined to fail

-A lifetime full of trials & tribulations hitting me like hail

-Growing up in the hood, I would have never made it out alive

-Just another nigga deprived, fighting to live & strive

-The monster in me contained, waiting to be unleashed

-Devouring the lies & feeding the beast

-Just another nigga in a white mans world

-Getting dirty looks ...

I've always viewed life from the side lines,

Just watching it passing me by.

In the past, I was too afraid to just let go & live,

& lately too tired to try.

I've envied the people around me

So invested in living each day,

While I spent my time hiding out from the world

& searching for ways to escape.

For most of my life I truly believed

I was here to help somebody else,

But now it's so clear it ...

I've lost myself.

I can't find who I use to be. Although I keep searching.

I can't look in the mirror, & see the man anymore.

I can only hide, & look into the eyes I call mine.

I wonder alone. Not by chance,

But by choice. There are people who love me,

But I can't bring them down. I'm a sinking ship,

A ticking time bomb. I'm just not sure when I'll drown,

Or I'll finaly explode.

I've lost myself....