TW: Violence and stalking

23/05/2004

The urges are getting stronger. I saw him again today. Just a glimpse of him was enough to get my adrenaline going. Something about the way he walks, the way he talks.

Something came over me whilst I watched him walk out of the coffee shack. I abandoned my need for caffeine and I followed him for a while. He didn’t notice me.

27/05/2004

So I’ve been busy. I’ve managed to get a sense of his routine. His seems to visit the coffee shack everyday, so now I do too. He always gets the same order, a flat white with a blueberry muffin. I’ve began ordering the same. I hate blueberries, but he likes them. It makes me feel connected to him somehow.

He works at Henlows Graphic house. I searched the company online and found a meet the team page. His name is Kyle, and works as a graphic design assistant. He deserves so much more than to he an assistant…

3/06/2004

Kyle didn’t come to the coffee shack this morning. I’ve been riddled with anger all day! How DARE he do this to me!

I’ve gone through many scenarios in my head as to why. I rang his work, asking for him. They seemed surprised, and asked why I was calling. I told him I had seen some of his work and was keen to look into getting a website made… they apologised and explained he had called in sick.

I’ve been even more restless upon finding this out. How sick was he? Was he in pain? Weak? I have to know.

4/06/2004

I am shaking with excitement! I found out where Kyle lives! I can’t fight the urge anymore. I’m going to see him tonight.

6/06/2004

The past 2 days have been the most exhilarating of my life. Kyle looked so sleepy when he answered the door. He was indeed ill. I could smell it in the air. His weak stature as he leaned against the door turned me on. I’d imagined this moment so many times in my head and now my time had come.

I apologised to him, and gave him my best “apologetic smile”. I explained to him that I thought I was being followed, and could I please come in for a few minutes until I was sure it was safe to leave.

He was chivalrous, and immediately let me in. I thanked him. My heart was pounding so hard, I thought it would burst from my chest!

He offered me a drink. I accepted. This was it.

The feeling of the hammer as it connected with his head was euphoric! I watched him stagger backwards, falling against the fridge. His eyes were wide with shock. I stared straight into them, taking in his fear, trying to see into his soul. My cheeks hurt from smiling so wide.

I remember the most beautiful glint in his eye as he watched me raise the hammer above my head. He put his hands in front of his face. The whimper that left his mouth made me ache for the finish. It was the most sensual sound to have ever graced my ears.

I brought the hammer down, hard. I took it all in. The noise, the smell, the feeling… it was all so much more wondrous that I’d dreamed of. I straddled him as he lay on the floor. I cupped his face, and shushed him, like people do to crying babies. I looked him in the eyes as the light left them. I kissed him on the lips, and whispered my most sincere thanks to him.

I looked around the room, on the coffee table I saw an open book, face down to keep it’s place. I realised I had interrupted his reading when I knocked on the door.

He’d been reading a book on the history of Rome. It looked well read. I took the book, to remind me of Kyle.

10/06/2004

I’ve been in a bad mood all day. I feel like I’m on a comedown from a heavy weekend. The joy and bliss I felt after meeting Kyle had gone. I went to get a flat white and a blueberry muffin from the coffee shack, but they left a bitter taste. I’ve decided not to go back to the shack.

16/06/2004

I’ve some exciting news! I bumped into a man at a new bar that opened in the town centre. He told me I was the most beautiful girl. He slurred his words, and he smelled of alcohol. Despite his first impress, I got a twinge of excitement as I looked into his eyes. I’m going to try find out some more about him, to see if he can measure up to Kyle…