The Tragic Camping Trip

I said with a quiver in my voice knowing deep well who’s blood it belonged to.

“Who’s blood is it.”asked Charles, already scared and frightened from the howling earlier that night.

“It’s Jacks.” I stated “I found him mangled up a few miles out from where we heard the howling. I knew he wanted to see a wolf but I never thought he’d be dumb enough to do it.”

“I knew it was a bad idea to come camping this time of year.” Explained Charles “The rangers warned us on the news about how bad the wolf population had gotten but you idiots didn’t care, and now Jack is gone.”

“We never dragged you out here, Charles we all had the option and we all decided to come!” I yelled angrily “Jack knew what he was doing, he knew the consequences to his actions. Would I have wished he made a smarter choice yes, but what’s done is done and we can not go back.”

“We’ll I’m ready to go home and get out of here before that wolf decides it’s ready for round 2.” Charles said while looking around frantically.

“We don’t have any other choice except to wait out the night. We can not even see 5 ft in front of us, and the wolf has heightened senses if we try to leave we are done for.” I stated not knowing if we were going to survive the night.

Comments 3

Bernard Wicks

2 years ago

This was really good! Honestly being out camping while there are a lot of wolves is a terrifying thought to me! I do have some feedback though that I thought I’d share.

One thing that I noticed was the way you did dialogue. I noticed when you wrote dialogue, you would tend to put a period at the end of the quote and then use the tag (words like said, explained, etc) after the period. Usually when writing this way, you would use a comma instead because this shows that the dialogue is a full sentence. I’ll use an example, one where the dialogue is split into two by a tag in the middle.

“There is a sentence here,” someone said. “That is so cool!”

There are a lot of dialogue rules like that but I don’t feel like going through all of them (I’m not even sure I know all of them 😂).

I only had one other note and it was about characterization. I noticed that when everyone seemed pretty calm about the (I’m assuming) death of Jack. Charles seemed kind of rude anyway, but usually a person would be a little more shocked if someone they were close to were killed by wolves. The narrator seems a little nonchalant too, but I may expect that they had a little bit of time to recuperate before returning to the campsite, though I may have expected him to have been out of breath or something like that. This might just be a me thing, but I’m being pretty nit-picky because, like I said, I loved this story!

Overall it was a great story, and I hope you continue writing! I saw in your bio that you wanted to get published, so good luck to you on completing a dream! I hope this helped! 😊

Isaac Quiroz

I am happily married to a wonderful woman and I have an amazing son. I always had a fascination with writing I just struggled a lot and I’m working on becoming better, maybe just maybe I will publish at least one book, or get close trying.