growing up
rain on the driveway
sneakers pounding on pavement
bike tires skidding across the ground
fingers sticky from melted popsicles
hair drifting from the messy ponytail you tied it in
but you can’t fix it because your hands are painted blue
beaches and little pink bikinis with bows
sandcastles and seashells
and cool lemonade in a icy glass
flowers tied in a crown
daisies and dandelions
and they might be weeds but that’s okay
because they’re pretty
colors that explode in the air
fireworks that pop
candy that melts on your tongue
sword fights with sticks
and daring rescues on bicycle horses
the princess swooning over her knight
in shining armor
scraping your knees
crying, but it’s alright
because Mom’s there
and she makes everything better
hugs and kisses when the night grows dim
tucking you into bed with a song
“you are my sunshine
my only sunshine
you make me happy when skies are gray”
never have words so true been sung
cookies baking in the oven
the smell of Mom’s shampoo keeps you patient
because it smells like home
Dad kicking the ball around with your brothers
cheering at goals
laughing when you trip over the ball
he helps you up with a hug
and makes sure you’re alright
because that's what dads do
he reads your stories
pages upon pages of drafts upon drafts
grammar and spelling far from what it should be
but he tells you that they are the most beautiful things
he will ever read
library visits
books piled high
you’ll finish them in a week
escaping into your own world
why were you trying to escape
rain on the driveway
sweet strawberry juice dripping down your chin and
hitting the floor
jumping awkwardly from the diving board
and making sure Mom is watching
watch watch watch
take a video
you’ll never watch that video again
cute little bathing suits pair with your eyes
before people tell you to cover up
diving into the pool
before you think it’s too cold to go in
before you’d rather sit on a pool chair, trying your hardest to make your body look beautiful
it’s already so beautiful
why can’t you see that?
you were a kid
you didn’t know anything
and you liked it that way
now you’ve grown up
you’ve grown up and everything is crashing down
the memories are fading
Mom doesn’t sing you the song anymore
“you are my sunshine
my only sunshine”
how could you do this to me
how could you let me grow up
i don’t want to grow up
the pushes would rock you over a wood chip playground floor
and you were touching the clouds and you were soaring to the sun
so high in the sky that everything was magic
until they would come too hard, too fast
you would laugh because the harsh words of the pressure were just jokes back then
but now they’re real and the pushes aren’t pushes they’re shoves
your feet are dangling
as you sway on the swingset of your teenage years,
the swingest that took you away from your childhood
lurching perilously over a great abyss
the chains are creaking
your legs are shaking
it's only matter of time before
the weight on your shoulders
is just too heavy
and you crumble
you’re so tired
so so tired
and sick
you used to be happy
kite soaring up up up
in the breeze
the ice cream is all melted and icky
and the cone is crumbling in your palm
you’re running through the sprinklers
but the drops of water are mixing with salty tears
that slip down your cheeks
Mom calls you in for dinner
and you’ll never go back outside
to finish playing
i’m always tired
i never sleep i can’t sleep
not without the soothing melody
of a song i once knew
“you are my sunshine”
i can’t remember the rest of the lyrics anymore
my knees are skinned
and it feels like Mom’s not there anymore
she’s in the house
i can see her at the window
but no matter how much i cry
she just watches me
i want to stay where it’s as simple as
finding shapes in the clouds
and hot cocoa when it snows
daisies in my hair
and dandelion rings
and i know
i know they’re weeds
but i don’t care
because they’re
just
so
pretty