For the longest time I didn’t know what depression felt like

I mean I’d had my fair share of sad and anxious

But today I just sat there,

Staring into space,

Not thinking,

Not feeling,

Not existing,

Yet the emptiness was infinite

And I didn’t feel sad or hopeless or terrified

But I think the right word is hollow

And I didn’t know what to do with myself

I was scarcely there

I didn’t move, I didn’t breathe.

And I couldn’t figure out what was wrong

Because nothing was,

And at the same time so was everything

I didn’t cry

Because I didn’t feel like it

And in the back of my mind

The anxiety screamed about this

But I didn’t feel it

What was wrong with me? It asked

Why was I mindlessly watching TV again?

What happened to all my productive summer plans?

To living life to it’s fullest?

But I’d given up on that.

At least for the moment, when the void was beating my brain,

And I didn’t have priorities to waste

Because I didn’t have anything.

And now that I’m barely living,

Aren’t I as good as dead?