i’m drowning. i can’t take in a breath, water is filling my lungs. i feel trapped my body tense, shaking.

suddenly everything goes black.

minutes later or at least i think it’s minuets. my eyes open i see the face of a man. i blink, he looks like a paramedic. moving my eyes, i see my sister slumped in the corner of my parents’ kitchen mascara running down her face. turning my head i see the black and white floor tiles come into focus.

my ears start to open and sound comes rushing back, her sobs loud as they hit my eardrums. my body feels heavy, my head foggy, lungs burning in my chest, drool coating my jaw.

“and he’s back.” the paramedic says a supportive smile crossing his face. a confused look must pass over my face, as he holds a small container up to my eyes “narcan. does wonders in bringing people back from an overdose.”

overdose.

suddenly the sobs register and disappointment sweeps through me. not again. this time my sister witnessed it all. she must’ve called for help.

not. again. i need help. one day no one will come to my rescue and i’ll drown under the fake waves once and for all.