Once upon a time there was a massive egg. The kind of egg an ostrich would look at and think “Now, that’s a big bloody egg!”. The egg was bigger than a football, smaller than a basketball and had a cream sheen to its shell. It was found in a forest by an 8 year old boy who had curly hair and was himself bigger than a football and a basketball put together. The boy was called Matthew who spent most of his life being bewildered by things. Matthew stared at the egg for a long time. He couldn’t fathom what creature would’ve laid it. There was no nest. Matthew wanted to pick up the egg and take it home to show his parents. After a delicate gesture, he managed to cuddle the egg into his arms and chest. When he got home his parents told the press. “We could earn a packet from this!” said his dad. “But dad, I don’t want to!” Matthew replied. “Maybe if we look after it, it will hatch and I’d have a friend”. But in the time it took for his dad to say “gone viral” it had gone viral. Pictures of Matthew with his egg accompanied with pun based headlines: “Eggstraordinary” and “You’re Yolking”! After two hours of on-line chat, Facebook was saying “EAT IT!”. Twitter was saying “EAT IT!”. Tik tok was saying “Make a 30 second dance with it!” “NO!” said Matthew. So he ran away to keep it warm. And decided to wait until it hatched and they could fly away together. The End.