It’s not like I’m new here. I’ve been here for a while, probably too long. I’ve sat by as countless coworkers have moved on to better things. I hadn’t really thought about what comes after this. I don’t think I even considered there to be ‘better things’. There definitely has to be. Being here so long, things start becoming automatic or second nature. It’s hard to focus when that happens. Hard to improve or go anywhere. I tend to just…stay where I am I guess.

The first email I received from a sender who’s name was just a question mark - subject line: Eric, follow these steps and change your life! - I wrote off as spam or someone trying to get a significant portion of my life savings into their pockets. At least they had my name right. It wasn’t until later, when they became…specific, I guess, that I started paying attention to them. It became hard not to.

Eventually one email came through and my curiosity got the best of me. I read through it and figured I could mess with whoever was scamming me. I was in much need of some kind of entertainment or an escape from this place.

Once I had read through it, three things were abundantly clear:

1. Follow these steps below and your life will improve.

2. Do not talk about this or share this email to anyone (seems like an odd strategy for a scammer)

3. Lastly, no matter what happened, DO. NOT. REPLY.

Noted.

The bit that really got me though, was that whoever sent that email new where I worked, where I lived and oddly enough my mother’s full name, maiden included.

Either this person had stolen my answers to every security question I’d ever answered, or they knew me. I didn’t really want to think about it, so I tried to ignore it.

The next email I received contained some more passionate wording. Things like “if you don’t follow these steps, you’ll never amount to anything.”, “do you want to be a nobody for the rest of your life?” And “act now or die alone”. Not sure if they were all necessary. I got the point by the first one.

I can’t say that the email didn’t have me feeling a little vulnerable. Conveniently enough it also mentioned an incentive that my company was running where you can pitch an idea and be in the running for a promotion. I hadn’t even considered entering it but this email had a step by step guide on what to wear, what to say and what to do along with a super detailed pitch about a new product line that I thought I’d heard my colleague Dave talking about a while back.

I figured why not, I didn’t click any links - not that there were any to click now that I think about it - nor did I reply. I won’t forget that rule.

I followed the steps and used the pitch the email supplied and it worked. I got the position. They all loved it. The bosses thought i was great. Dave not so much though.

More emails came and I kept following them. There weren’t any consequences and I never replied but they always knew what I had coming up and they always said just the right thing to bring me the maximum success out of any situation.

Things were going great, my bosses loved me, my bank account loved me and I kinda started to like me too.

That didn’t change that I was going home alone every night to a messy apartment just to go back to work the next day. There wasn’t much helping that.

That’s when the emails got more personal. They started talking about redecorating my apartment, my room, how I dress, places to meet girls.

They knew what my room looked like.

But I didn’t care, because I would follow the steps in the email and my life would improve.

My apartment wasn’t messy anymore.

I felt more confident.

I met someone. Georgia.

She was great and I think she really liked me. Well she liked the version of me that I presented through the detailed step by step guides of the emails I was still receiving. They never stopped coming and I never stopped reading them. I couldn’t. I was too scared of failing or messing up.

I was dependant on the thing.

Hell, one day I won some good money from the lottery. I couldn’t stop, why would I? Would you?

I couldn’t stop, but the emails did. No warning, no nothing. It was random. One day I suddenly stopped receiving emails. I was mad, furious.

I trashed my place. I went out to dinner with Georgia and I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know how to act. I blew it. She broke up with me. My bosses stopped being impressed with me.

I scrolled through all the previous emails trying to find some kind of clue or something else to go off of.

Nothing.

But I did click on the senders name, the question mark. It brought up a full email address that the messages were being sent from. I’d never even thought to look.

The email address was mine.

Mine?

I searched through my sent messages and none of them came up. I looked through each email id been sent and they were all coming from my address but there was no proof of them anywhere.

Georgia came to collect her things from my place. I tried explaining everything snd showing her the emails. She thought I was playing some sick prank. That I was some crazy person.

Once she’d left I made the biggest mistake of my life. I replied to the most recent email.

I was angry and stupid.

I replied.

I said some mean things and ranted.

I was anxious and upset.

Nothing happened. By that I mean, I’d replied to my own email address and not received it. It was sent. But not to me. Now now at least.

I spiralled and started spending away my money. I’d lost everything that I’d worked so hard for.

I needed to find a new way to be successful. I could have started working hard at my job, I could have worked on myself. I could have talked to someone.

I didn’t. I looked for an easy way.

I was a bit drunk and since my first reply didn’t have any consequences I figured I’d send a new message to the address. I thought maybe I’d give myself some advice. Since I was lacking in it.

I thought it was dumb at the time. But I sent through the winning lottery numbers from a few months ago, dated. I told myself to follow the steps, not to tell anyone else and I made sure to tell myself DO NOT REPLY. I checked my bank account as if to think that a past version of myself had followed my advice and won the lottery.

When I checked, the money was there. I was stunned.

I didn’t question it. I just kept sending emails through, it started out financial, work related, things to give my current self some success.

Then I got into the personal stuff, who to see, where to go, how I wanted my room decorated.

The more emails I sent, the worse I felt though. I had all the material things that I wanted but I was never working for anything.

I was out of shape, drinking all the time, eating junk food. I don’t know the details but I know my body was going to shit.

I was getting pains and always felt like shit.

The more it tried to prevent it, the worse it got.

One day the pain was really bad, I got up and I couldn’t type an email properly, my hands were too shaken. I managed to call an ambulance and head outside. It didn’t take too long before I saw it coming.

Then it hit me.

DO NOT REPLY.