when I see him I turn to mush, molten lava, a melted blob. he makes me weak, he makes my tummy feel funny and my hands tingle. I can imagine him hurting the people that have hurt me. I can imagine him getting furious when I don’t take care of myself. I can imagine him holding my hand and keeping the hair out of my face whenever I just need a good, long, cry. I can imagine him helping me through whatever crisis life decides to throw at me next. I can imagine his smile and presence making me happy, making me laugh out of joy. with him, I could feel safe and loved. I’d feel solace in knowing he’d do anything for me. but alas, it’s all in my imagination. none of it is probably true. but I have hope it just might be. but probably not.