you never asked, but I’m not okay after what you did to me? I don’t know if I ever will be I get it I do you realized I’m not who you thought I was fine I know it I know I’m not pretty I’m not that funny nor smart not popular really awkward kinda crazy actually really crazy but I don’t think I deserve what you did I know it might not have felt like anything to you but it did to me and I still don’t understand why you did it what even happened how could you just change your mind like that one day we were almost in love the next you’re like oops sorry don’t like you didn’t wanna hurt you so I lied told you I did but I didn’t never did, never will pfft well you just did so it’s been forever since then you probably haven’t thought about me in a while but I think about it time to time think about you think about what it could’ve been like if you weren’t a jerk or maybe just an idiot I’m not even sure I don’t even know what happened but I do know you ruined it you ruined me sure I’ve liked guys after you one of them was great he’s nice makes me laugh we’re still friends my feeling just faded away as I fell for this one oof this one he’s pretty like really pretty don’t know much about him but he makes me heart jump he makes me smile just by being in the same room you know you used to do that not anymore now my smile fades away whenever I see you or hear your name or think about you think about what you did to me you’re never gonna be sorry that hurts you hurt me and you’ll never feel the pain when I was crying because of you you didn’t care you maybe didn’t know but you didn’t care you didn’t even ask no, you didn’t care you never cared after me you got an actual girlfriend with the label together for a year and she dumped you I’m guessing it was her maybe she saw you for who you are a jerk an idiot whatever it may be I don’t care I hate you all the same hate what you did to me hate you’ll never feel how I felt you broke me I hope she broke you too it doesn’t look like it from the outside but I hope you got a taste of pain of what you did to me I wish you felt that I wish you were sorry I know you don’t you aren’t but I wish you were it just hurts even after this long you still hurt me and I don’t think that pain is ever gonna go away you may have forgotten me but I haven’t forgotten you nor what you did to me I hate you what you did to me it’s stupid it just hurts
5! 4! 3! 2! 1! I’m coming to get you! you can run you can try to hide but I’ll find you you hide well I seek and I’ll always find you you can’t escape me I’m unavoidable you’ll always come back to me I’ll always find you you’ll be safe in my arms don’t worry come to me you can’t escape me, anyways so give in come to me and if you don’t if you stay in your little hiding place that’s fine, too you be the hider I’ll be the seeker I’ll still find you just you wait I’ll always find you I’m coming I’m coming to get you
“this was fun,” I tell him, smiling wide as I gaze in those big brown eyes I’ve known for years, leaning into a railing bordering the trail. he’s my bestie—we’re not necessarily that close but we’re chill, you know?
he agrees, “yes it was. we should do this more often.”
we had gone for a walk in the park since finals were coming up and we both needed a break from studying. it was a nice vacation from all the work.
I look away from him and out into the blue instead. for some reason, I can never hold eye contact with him for too long. I just feel compelled to look away. but right now I can feel his eyes still lingering on my face. as I realize this, my smile fades away—it makee no sense. why would he do that? I mean, he’s met me. come on. haha. I’m just crazy.
I notice him open his mouth, but no words come out. okay then. I look back out into the trees, looking at nothing in particular but taking in everything at the same time. my mind starts to wander. I’m hungry. I should get food after this. should I ask him if he wants some, too? not like a date though. obviously. I’m way too young and too unpretty for that. he would never. no one would, haha. I laugh to myself, but it comes out almost like a cross between a scoff and a sigh.
he notices. “what?” he asks, looking at me again. I can feel it. I fight the urge to turn back to him too fast. one. two. now you can.
“nothing, just thinking,” I say, shaking my head. dang, his eyelashes are long. wait, what?
“about what?”
“y—food,” I correct myself. haha, don’t know what I was going to say before. obviously the answer was food.
“you maybe want to go get some? He asks me almost shyly, but that can’t be—he’s anything but shy.
“umm…yeah. yeah, I’d like that. I’m starved,” I reply with a nod.
“cool.”
“cool.”
“when? now?”
“two more minutes,” I answer. I want to take in the nature for one more moment. I want to take in this peaceful moment, the calm before the storm. before the math test and the politics paper and everything else.
I hear a bird and watch as it flitters over the two of us. “look!” I turn to him, but he’s not watching the bird. he’s watching me. what? haha. I’m crazy, right? and now I’m smiling too hard, stop it, I think to myself.
“come, let’s go.” he reaches out a hand.
I loom at him for a second, puzzled. what? he’s never done that before. we don’t do that. right? or maybe…or maybe it doesn’t mean anything. it can’t mean anything. what would it mean?
I contemplate it, and ever so gently place my hand in his, our fingers gently intertwined. his palm feels warm against my cold, iron-deficient skin. I feel a sensation through my veins. it’s the warmth, right?
we start to head back, my hand in his. that’s still weird to me. we keep walking and come up to a crowd of people. it looks like a large family. we try to get through, but they’re blocking the path. he looks at me, wondering what to do.
“excuse me,” I politely ask a lady, “could we get through?”
she turns to me and replies in a warm, husky voice, “only if you kiss!”
“huh?” I’m lost. I glance at him and see that he’s turned red. haha, wait, what? kiss? kiss him? I can’t do that. he’s…no, no way! right?
“oh, we’re not—“
“kiss, kiss, kiss!” she chants as the rest of the crowd joins in. wait, she can’t be serious…right?
he pulls me closer. so we can hear each other better, since it’s loud, right?
“hey,” he says to me softly.
“hey,” I whisper back. he’s looking at me so intensely I feel like he’s staring at my soul. everything else fades away. haha, what? wait, what’s happening?
“do you…” he starts, but doesn’t finish the thought. what?
“yes?”
he tries again, but cuts himself off once more, his eyes darting away. “d-do…do you w—“
“yes?”
he takes a breath before he looks at me with those brown eyes one last time. he takes my other hand, and holds on tighter to the one he was already holding. I shiver. wait. is this what I think it is?
kiss, kiss, kiss!! they’re still chanting in the background. it can’t be…
“hey.” he says. “do you w-want to, uh, maybe, uh…”
“yes.”
“huh?”
“I said, yes.”
“but-“
“just kiss me already,” I grin uncontrollably, feeling a funny feeling in my tummy, but the good kind. the crazy kind. “kiss me, and then we can get out of here and then you can take me out to get food, and maybe, maybe kiss me again, and…” I trail off.
his mouth’s hanging open, his eyes wide. he can’t believe it. it’s adorable. he’s adorable. and crazy. but it’s okay, I’m crazy, too. this is all so crazy.
oh, yes, he’s so great an angel she called him yeah, right, for sure makes sense since he’s so nice nothing hiding behind those brown eyes no stupid scheme, no hurtful lies nothing wrong with his obviously normal-sized brain he’s so great he’s so kind he’s so cute so sweet, so thoughtful he’s got it all a girlfriend that obviously treats him well he’s definitely not failing all his classes definitely not an idiot that I know too well
hey! help me with this puzzle. it starts with an a, and the clue is “to set on fire.” it’s five letters. to set on fire, to light up, to burn, the world burning, to watch the world burn… no, it can’t be mean girls, that’s too long. to set on fire, to light up, to light up with joy, to be happy, to love, to adore? maybe. but that seems too far off. let’s try again. to set on fire, to light up, to burn, to explode, to make things explode, to blow up, to blow things up—no, “bombs” starts with “b.” hmm. to set on fire, to light up, to burn, to make things burn, to commit arson—ah, yes. that’s it. the only answer is arson.
magic is what happens when the sun rises when I get up out of bed change my clothes, brush my hair grab a quick breakfast and sit in the car my mind abuzz as the 10 minute drive feels like forever then I look for signs you’re already at school hope I see you in the halls I stop by my locker plan out what I’d do when I see you: make eye contact and smile but not like a creep not in a weird way just be normal I drop my backpack off in class then wander the halls looking for my friend while I think about this while I think about you and boom there you are we make eye contact and it’s magic I make some weird face because I’ve lost all control I forgot to smile but I probably did because the moment I see you my heart explodes for no good reason but magic it’s literally magic it’s crazy I’m crazy but it’s magic and I think I like this feeling I think I really do it’s magical
