There’s something to be said about falling in love with a momma’s boy. It’s not inherently bad, just that it’s a fine line. Jeremey was different from other men. He rode the line perfectly. A considerate son who loved his mother, while making his love for me known. Both women in his life were happy. I was blessed – I already had a healthy, loving relationship with my own mother, and now I was getting a second mother who took me in. Connie and I bonded in our similarities and learned from our differences. Our greatest similarity was the love we had for her son. It was never creepy, never passive aggressive with her. She wanted to love me for who I was, and not just an extension of her son. Jeremey, Connie and I became a close-knit group of three. We had an honest relationship between us. We never lied to each other. If we hurt each other, it was brought up immediately, discussed and ultimately forgotten about. Connie was happy. Jeremy was happy. I was happy. Until I wasn’t. And before you ask, it wasn’t because he strayed and gave one of us more attention than the other. We’d simply grown apart. We were still trying to figure our lives out, and if our futures would include each other. It was a hard breakup. I wasn’t only breaking up with Jeremy, but with Connie too. We had our own ‘mother-daughter’ relationship, and that too, was ending. Connie offered sympathy first. That she would still be there for me, if I ever wanted to talk. Two weeks later, I received a bouquet of fresh flowers at my work. The card read: Be strong Matilda. Love always, Connie. My coworkers asked me how I felt about such a gesture. Touched? It was exactly the kind of gesture I would expect from Connie. That was the kind of woman she was. Two months later, Connie called me and asked me out to lunch. Her husband was traveling for business and she had received a coupon in the mail that was about to expire. My sister told me not to go. She said it was weird. She told me it was a manipulation tactic. I ignored her worries. Connie and I had a delicious meal, and caught up. She told me what she had been up to, asked how I had been, and asked if I’d received the flowers she sent. Jeremy was a topic we were both delicately trying to stay away from. Inevitably, he did come up. She told me that he received that promotion, and that he was going to be moving to a new apartment. Ironically, an apartment that was closer to my work. “I know distance played a role in your breakup,” she took a sip of wine. “I think he misses you.” “I miss him too.” Her tone became eager. “Tell him that.” I would not be telling him that. “That’s not a good idea, Connie.” A scowl caught at the edge of her mouth. Subtle, but not that subtle. A week after our lunch date, Jeremy reached out. Jeremy: Hi, just wanted to reach out and see how you’re doing Matilda: Hey, yeah I’m good. Actually just saw your mom last week. Jeremy: Why? Matilda: Lunch. Jeremy: I see. There’s something I think you should know. Matilda: Okay? Jeremy: My mom likes you. Matilda: Lol! Yeah, I know. Maybe even more than you. Jeremy: Be careful Tilly. Connie’s interactions with me became less frequent, but continued. Our communication was light, cordial. A traded recipe, a reminder of an inside joke between us. Nothing that worried me. On a random summer evening, Connie invited me over for dinner. She left the television on, and her cats were sprawled out across the furniture. Nothing felt…off. “It’s not the same without Jeremy here,” she said, clearing our plates. “Have you heard from him?” I hadn’t heard from him since his warning messages months prior. “Not in a while.” She was washing the dishes, her back towards me. “Tell me what’s been happening in your life. I’m sure you’ve been busy.” But I hadn’t. The only change in my life had been a date last week. And that’s what I told her. Her movements froze. Her words were strained. “Is that so? Already over my Jeremy?” There was an edge in her tone. An uncomfortable silence was now taking over what had previously been a calmness between us. “We’re still friends.” “Friendship isn’t love.” I fixated on the knife she had yet to wash. Her back still faced me, her movements still frozen. She let out a laugh, and I jumped. The edge in her tone was gone, replaced with a lightheartedness. Like what just happened never happened. Like it was all in my head. I texted Jeremy later that night. Matilda: What did you mean, about your mom? Jeremy: I don’t know how to explain it… Matilda: Meet me at our spot in 20? Jeremy’s tone was somber when he arrived and sat beside me on the bench. “I really thought she was over it.” “Over what exactly?” He ran his hand through his hair. “She promised me she was better now.” “I don’t understand.” He sighed. “Tilly, it’s obvious to me that she isn’t better. For your safety, you need to keep your distance. I don’t want to see you…it’ll…” he trailed off. I did as Jeremy said. I ignored Connie’s text messages. Let her invitations go unanswered. Sent her calls straight to voicemail, and then immediately deleted them. This sent her into a rage. I had to install cameras on my property. Change my phone number. Find a new job. I slept with a baseball bat next to my bed. A gun in my nightstand. Jeremy kept Connie on a tight leash. It was why my gun wasn’t loaded. It was intended to scare, not harm. Only to be shown if the situation should arise. It was Jeremy’s idea that I move. Far. “I can’t protect you all the time,” he said. “Mom’s unstable. She’s triggered by you.” “That’s why your ex-girlfriend moved states?” He nodded. “I have to move states now too?” “She’ll never stop. I’ll help you pack this weekend. The sooner, the better.” I’m not one for material items. I don’t own much. Mostly necessities, minimal wants. By week’s end, Jeremy had helped put all of my belongings into boxes. I would be staying with my cousin in the next state over. The sun was beginning to set when we got hungry. So we stopped. Jeremy brought back takeout. I devoured my meal, while Jeremy watched me. I was stuffed. So much so, that my stomach began to feel nauseous. Did I overeat? Should I have slowed down? Jeremy helped me into bed. Slept beside me. Held my hair while I threw up hours later. “I’m sorry” he whispered in my ear. It wasn’t just food poisoning he was apologizing for. The following morning, Jeremy asked for a favor. “Think of it as closure,” he said. I disagreed. “I’m not going.” “She won’t be there, I promise. I’ll protect you.” Ultimately, I went. The house was empty. The television was turned off. The cats were nowhere to be seen. Jeremy ran into a back bedroom, leaving me alone in the kitchen. A Tupperware container I’d let Connie borrow months ago sat next to the sink. Its lid was missing. Searching the drawers, I came across a manila folder tucked underneath a pile of papers. Inside, ten steps were listed. Written in Connie’s handwriting 1. Befriend Matilda 2. Earn her trust 3. Express romantic interest in her 4. Make her your girlfriend Each one marked off with a date of completion beside it. 5. Grow distant, express different desires for your future 6. Let her be the one to end the relationship 7. Encourage a continuing relationship with Connie 8. Feign worry for her when it begins to look ‘weird’ to others 9. Help her to pack up her belongings (ensuring a clean apartment that won’t look suspicious) 10. Get her back into the house one final time All marked off. Except for the last one. My body froze. Multiple sheets of paper were underneath. Women I had never heard of were listed at the top. The same ten steps were written and crossed off. Jeremy was still in the bedroom. Quietly, I shut the drawer. The floor creaked under my weight with each step. Reaching for a knife, I hid it behind my back. Jeremy called out, “Tilly, are you okay?” I swallowed. “Never better.” His voice was muffled. “I’ll only be another minute or two.” “I’ll be out in the car.” I couldn’t open the door. The lock was different. This door couldn’t be opened from the inside. It was locked from the outside. “Where are the keys?” I called out. No response. “He’ll be out shortly, dear.” My blood ran cold. Connie smiled at me, her head tilted. “It’s so nice to have you both here, under this roof,” she paused. “Like old times.” Jeremy emerged from the room, seeing the papers I’d left scattered on the counter. “Mom, take it easy. We don’t want to frighten this one.” For each step Jeremy took towards me, I took one back. “Tilly, put the knife down.” I refused, and Connie ripped the knife from my hands. I yelped out. Blood trickled down my palm. Jeremy gripped my bloodied hand, bringing it to his face. He was on the verge of tears. “I have a confession to make,” he said, kissing my hand, blood staining his lips. “We have a confession to make,” Connie corrected. Jeremy’s voice trembled. “I promised myself this time would be the last. That I’d let you go. That I wouldn’t play the game again.” Connie raked her fingers through my hair. “But the game is so…” She paused. “Exciting.” Jeremy released my hand and got on his knees. “I have to be punished, Lord, please.” He let out a scream. I jumped at the noise. Connie got on her knees beside him, pressing her forehead to his. “We have to finish what we started, sweetheart.” Tears ran down his cheeks. “I can’t,” he whispered. “Not to her.” “Be brave, my dear boy.” She pointed to a cabinet against the wall. Jeremy stood and reached inside. He pulled out a gun. Pointed it at me. His fingers wavered over the trigger. “I’m sorry.” I squeezed my eyes shut. The gunshots were ear-piercing. When I opened my eyes, their bodies laid before me, blood pooling around them. Their eyes still staring at me. I screamed but no noise came. Police arrived a short time later. Questioned me. One officer pulled me aside. “How would you have described Jeremy?” I stared out into the distance. “There’s something to be said about falling in love with a momma’s boy. It’s not inherently bad, just that it’s a fine line. One that I will never walk again.”