CHANGE

The first day that people started going down to the streets, angry and driven by the need for their rights, I was confused. Our national TV channel was broadcasting live from the ground where everything started. People were everywhere, talking to journalists in frustration, their bodies shaking from exasperation that is too big to be normal. That was when everything started. Everyday more people would go to different places, form very large groups, and they would scream so high, as high as they can, they wanted their voices to be heard, and they wanted “THEM” to know that they will not be tamed. And although I was confused, not knowing how and why it started, I felt pride surging through my entire body, those are the people of my country, my people, and they made me realize that I had a voice, the only thing I had to do was make it heard.

It was on the 17th of October 2019, that change started.

FIRE

Wildfires broke out through the whole country, no one knew if they were natural disasters, or if they were planned on purpose, to distract the people from the change they were trying to make and the rights they wanted to have, the rights that they deserve by birth. Because you see, when things start to get worse, you will ask for less, and that’s when your expectations start to lower. I remember back then, when I had a conversation with one of my friends, we were thinking that that was the end of the world, and I still think it was, but only the start of it.

After the wildfires stopped, there came the biggest catastrophe to ever happen to these people. One of the biggest explosions known to humankind, one that killed too many fathers, too many mothers, too many sons, too many daughters and too many lovers. One that broke so many families and so many hearts. One that wiped out so much hope from the hearts if the people. One that left so many people homeless and hopeless. One that left so many external scars and even more internal ones. But the difference about that fire, is that we knew for sure, that it was not a natural disaster, it was a disaster cause by “THEM”.

GRIEF

After the smoke cleared out of the sky, the shards of glass were cleaned off the streets and out of the houses, bodies were pulled from under the rubble, and everything was silent, that’s when people were left with their thoughts. Their thoughts and their losses. Mothers crying at the tombs of their sons and daughters, thinking about the last conversation that they had with them that they would cherish forever, the last meal they cooked for them, and the last game they played with them, cause death did not care about the age of its victims, it did not care if it was two year old girl that was loved by her parents, a young girl whose smile could light up their whole world, whose laugh would make their worries go away, a girl whose future was taken away from her. Death did not care about the brother of a young man, the brother of a man that he considered his best friend, a brother that would have his back through thick and thin, a brother that he shared so many laughs with or had so many useless fights with, a brother that was stolen from him. And death did not think about that crazy lover, that was waiting for the girl that held his heart on her sleeve, to finish her shift, so he can see and talk to her after work, the girl that he had planned a whole future with, a future where they had a wedding date, where they bought a house to make a beautiful family in, a girl that he talked to everyday, that he shared every moment of his life with, and when he didn’t, he wishes he did, wishes that she was right there with him, to feel what he was feeling. But now that that girl is forever gone, will he feel that way for the rest of his life? Will he think of her every minute of everyday and every step of the way? Now that the girl that held his heart on her sleeve is gone with the wind and the smoke, what happened to his heart? Is it gone with her?

It’s been more than a year now, but it still feels like yesterday.

I was one of the « lucky » ones, I did not suffer from a loss, not literally at least. But I am suffering from the loss of the smiles that I used to see on the face of my people, the loss of that beautiful spirit and energy and the Lebanese people had and broadcasted all around them. They were people with many faults and many mistakes, but you could never feel anything but admiration for them, for they are people that have been so much, but they still manage to live their lives like nothing ever happened. Their Capital was Beirut after all, "Set El Donya”, Beirut that has fallen eight times now, but every single time, she manages to rise from under the rubble, time and time again, like the Phoenix from the ashes, Beirut rises again.

And I could not be more proud to belong and be part of this, and no matter where I go or where I am, my heart will always belong to Beirut.

This is our country, our roads, our mountains, our Ocean, and our Land. This is our Lebanon. And “THEY” will never take it from us.