Of Love and Loss

Last night, I cried myself to sleep

Thinking of everything I'd done,

And everything I've yet to do.

I am only alive because

You want me to be—you want me.

But holding on is getting tough,

And I have seen life pass me by

For far too many lifetimes now.

I desperately wish I was

Alive, and dead, and alive, and—

I was an adult as a child,

But now I am a child in a

Body that grew faster than me.

How often have I cried lately?

It seems like it's all I know now.

I watch as life passes me by,

Again, and again, and again.

More than anything, I love you.

Juni, I fucking love you, dude.

And I'm so sorry for every-

For everything I have done to

Consistently disappoint you.

I will kill myself by tonight.

Or, kill me if you must, my love.

I want to do right by you, Jun.

Last night, I cried myself to sleep

Thinking of what you'll see when you

Open my bedroom door to find

I'm long gone—I'm long gone now.

Juni, did I ever tell you?

There's nobody I love more than

You, you, you, you. . .

You, you, you, you.

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