I love the life i’ve built for myself

I’m truly happy

I smile

This time it’s real

My lips don’t hurt from holding it

for so long

I love my friends

Our laughter ringing in my ears

so light and delicate

I could make a dance to it

although there will always be

one thing missing

I too told myself I moved on

thought it just isn’t meant to be

no closure or anything

just being ignored the day we go back to school

my eyes dimmed

yours were too

i didn’t know why

i miss you

i fucking miss you

i know you can see the way i look at you

your love for me might be gone

memories are forever

i think about ours a lot

the distinct smell of your house

how it was always neat

besides your closet

different pieces of clothes from

your different phases

that i was there for

your black and white checkered bucket hat

your light blue flower printed dress

the straps always fell off

your light green jacket

i remember all of it

i saw your brother at blue white night

gave him a hug

he looked like you

you always told me that

since we’re so close we could go forever without talking

and we’d still be okay

you told me that when i needed you most

it felt like a hurricane

i grappled onto you

begging you not to leave me

while tears ran down my cheeks

you told me it didn’t matter

if you didn’t talk to me

but i didn’t have anyone else

things were better a year later

when i had my own friends

but then you were jealous

i told you the same thing

you said okay

but you weren’t

i had to ask you myself

and inevitably

you erupted on me

i felt awful

god, i honestly still do

the amount of tears

i wept that night

were more than any i’ve ever cried for anyone

i wish you were still here

so i could tell you

how im not in that toxic relationship

i’m with someone better now

so much better

who really does care about me

i wish you were there

for my first kiss

i wish i was there for yours

you hadn’t really written about me

until recently

most of the time it was just for your boyfriend

or ex girlfriend

or friend of the month

it seemed those were the people you cared about

and you didn’t really care for me

until i was gone

everything’s over now

you have your own friends

and i have mine

but i’ll always have a piece of you

in my heart

for my world

isn’t mine without you in it