As I walk through the forest, my place I go to reflect and deal with my thoughts when they become too much. I start to feel it again a shadow, looming just behind me but just out of sight. Sometimes it’s a figure I can barely are out in peripheral vesion. Sometimes it’s more obvious, looming just over my shoulder not just following my stride. My own personal darkness going with me everywhere I go. My thoughts conjured into some being that manifests dread. My own demon haunting me, some sick metaphor, a joke from God. Eating away at me, never giving me peace. Soembeing exhausting simply to remind me of my mistakes, of my failures, of everything I don’t have or let go. Manifestation of regret and self loathing.

My shadow creeps just behind me and I can’t help but to run, it’s siliuete a figure just of my likeness, but clouded in shadow. A weight only I bare, Nobody seeing it, acknowledges it or even seems to care. I can imagine others have such demons on their shoulder, but this is mine and mine alone. I’ve tried to run from it before, but it seems to always just be a step behind, no matter how fast I’ve ran. no matter how much I’ve drank to forget it or not notice it. The vices and darkness within only seem to strengthen it resolve and it gets bolder. Stepping farther into the light, turning my sunlight dark. Eclipsing my world, poisoning my thoughts and my mind. I fixate on it and can’t help but begin to give in to its influence. I’ve never been one to ask for help, to beg for assistance but this is a fight I’m starting to lose. A darkness consuming me, isolating me, devouring my very soul it fees.

I can’t show my pain, I can’t let others know I’m suffering so. I feel some ignorant need to be strong for everybody else in my life. To be there to help battle their demon on their shoulder. Yet nobody tries to help battle mine. Maybe I’ve become too good at faking it, acting as if it doesn’t perch on my shoulder like an inoperable cancer to my very wellbeing. But how in this world could I ever try and make my demons seem on par with the very real cancers people endure each and every day?

I exist in a hypocracy of my own creation. Failing to acknowledge the battle I fight within each and every day. Yet being so perceptive to everybody else’s demons. Being so willing and available to help their fights, but being too weak to fight my own. I suffocate in my own self pity before someone finally sees my horrible situation. Before one friend, a brother in a sense finally picked up on the signs. Fighting his own demon, his shadow tailing him like a bad cop tails a criminal. So obvious yet invisible to all others. He sensed my plight, as I sensed his. Circled in eternal battle we stand back to back against our demons. Icy battleground in our mind, fiery conclaves surround our minds. Paradoxical battlegrounds, yet relevant as ever to each and everyone of us fighting the same demon inside, the very same demon follows so many of us. A silent battle that unfortunately so many lose the fight with. My fight persists, as does his.

There is a light in the darkness, no matter what you my dear reader fight. You too will find your brother to fight along side you. You will find your strength to continue your internal fight, to lose your demon stalker. Or even find some way to find happiness with it behind you. You aren’t alone in your struggle. Never feel too prideful to seek help, to lean on someone. Trust me I know it’s easier said than done, but I will fight along side you, and we will kill these demons. Fight them off right back into the dark they rose from. I love you, and unfortunately some will still lose their fight, but I promise to forever be in your corner, cheering you on or helping however I can through your plight. These demons are revert real, no matter how fictions and invisible they seem or feel. Your fight is real, just as mine is. That weight is exhausting. The burden to smile through the pain. yet the demons persist and so must we. Your fight and pain is real and I feel it as well. you aren’t alone.

Love always, your anonymous ally.