This is what I wanted, wasn’t it?

I’ve been waiting for this day for so long and now that it’s here, I’d admit I’m having second thoughts.

I’ve spent months playing out this day in my head.

I’d walk down the aisle with my father by my side. He’d give me away to Ryan, the man I am going to spend the rest of my life with.

And that’s exactly how it went…up until the point where Ryan started saying his vows.

Ryan was holding my hands and I could feel him trembling. I smiled a small smile at him as I could feel my heart beating out of my chest.

My mind was telling me “Yes! This is what I’ve dreamt of. You’re just nervous, it’s a good nervous”

But my heart, my soul, was telling me something different.

Ryan had finally finished his vows and I realized it was my turn. I peered into Ryan’s tear filled eyes. I then looked out into the crowd of mine and Ryan’s family. They all looked back at me, expectantly.

And then, I saw her. I sent her an invitation, but I didn’t think she’d come…

My chest felt tight as she gave me a sad smile from the crowd.

I can’t do this.

“What do you mean?” Ryan said confused

Oh god, did I say that out loud.

“What do you mean you can’t do this?” Ryan reiterated.

My gaze never wavered from her, from Emily. The one who got away.

In this moment I realized I didn’t love Ryan. Not in the way I had loved Emily.