you’ve come back but i no longer need you. the timing is ironic. but then again, there is no right time, only time and what a person decides to do with it. and time never comes again, no rewind, no fast-forward, no pause button, no off button, just time slowly running out. so though i’d like to say if the timing was better we could have worked out, it’s not times fault, it’s mine. you left when i needed you most, but you didn’t know that. you shattered my heart into thousands of pieces that took me months to pick up. and once i was done picking up the pieces, i had to put my own heart back together like a puzzle, fixing the damage you made. normally when someone breaks something, they have to pay for it. but i guess you never learned that. and once you came back i no longer needed you. i had done all the dirty work myself. but i hate how you come back and slowly undo all my hard work. my heart slowly fracturing every time i see your eyes, every time i see your smile.

my heart.

hurts.

it frustrates me how much control you have over my soul. my nights are spent thinking of you think of what might have been. it terrifies me to know that after all you did to me, if you called me in tears saying you needed me, i would be there for you no questions asked. that’s the pain of loving someone who no longer loves you. who quite possibly never loved you. i was just too blinded by hope to realize. hope hurts. it’s hope that ruins me. as soon as you come crawling back to me, i drown in hope.

against all hope.

i hope.

and that’s what kills me.