“You’ve caused me so much pain, yet I keep coming back for more. My love for you, based off lies as it is, blinds me to my pain.”

“You- Lies! Selfish brat.” She spits.

“No. Truth. You lie. Talk with me. Honestly. I’m an adult. I want to keep you in my life. Talk with me.”

“What about? You speak of your pain like you have not hurt me! For weeks you said nothing, no messages, no calls, no visits. For months! How was I to know if you were even alive? Now you say I’ve hurt you, I say only when you deserved it.”

I feel my skin crawl at her words. I thought we could be adults. I thought we could talk. She’s still the same self pitying liar that creates excuses for her actions. I realise I’m the same scared and scarred girl.

“Fine. Don’t talk. We won’t.” I say quietly and leave. I shouldn’t have come. Now it’s all coming back. Everything. I’m scared of the wall of emotions I’m facing. All my hard work cut away by one blow from her, an axe to my neck.

My therapist had warned me this could happen. That sometimes people don’t change. I had looked her in the eye and said that I didn’t accept that. I know she was right.

It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have said that. ‘We won’t’. I can’t sever my ties with my own flesh and blood. And I hurt her! She said as much. Maybe she was just hurt all along. Maybe it was my fault.

“You’re blaming yourself. Don’t. It’s not your fault she didn’t change. Not your fault she couldn’t. It’s not your fault she did things wrong either. You’re the innocent party.” My therapist speaks kindly. I hate that she can lie so smoothly, but maybe… Maybe she’s right. How could a little girl hurt someone so badly they’d hurt her like that? But…

I think she’s right. I don’t think I’m in the wrong. I think that she didn’t change. I think, but… What if?