As I was walking through the hallways, I was looking for her. My best friend

It’s been days since we talked about that boy in Spanish class or her new hamster.

I decided to ignore her invisible presence. When I got to Spanish 30 minutes early I suspected that she was fixing her makeup in the bathroom.

We’d be roaming the halls right now, talking about next year.

She didn’t show in class I figured she skipped or was having a sick day.

At lunch I sat at our usual spot. It wasn’t the best seat. It was in the courtyard by the trash. I didn’t have any other friends. I stopped making them after 5th grade. I guess I just stopped liking people. They changed. I never at at lunch. I had a undying fear that everyone was always staring at me. Maybe because I blended my foundation wrong that day. Or maybe because I was ashamed of my terrible dressing or my flared gapped teeth.

Suddenly on that day someone dropped their plate on my table before sitting in front of it. My braids covered my face to the point where everyone looked like they were in 5 dimensions. I looked up my face strict and lighter than my usual brown shade. My hands met each other under the table as I started to fidget with my ring. 𝚆𝚑𝚘 𝚒𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚐𝚞𝚢? I thought to my taking small peeks at him through my ginger hair. He had brown curly hair, beautiful cheekbones, a nice choice of clothes and warm skin. He reminded me of autumn. His whiteish cargos, brown sweater and golden eyes. 𝙸 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚊𝚞𝚝𝚞𝚖𝚗. I’ve always dreamed of living in a small town like stars hallow and grabbing a chocolate chip cookie and warm cup of coffee. Having a nice comfy bed by my window as I read and watched the rain pour onto the changing leaves. I lifted my head a bit but only to see him staring at me. I looked away immediately. I was always afraid of eye contact and I thought he was judging me. I looked back up again and then he was gone. He left his empty tray behind with a folded paper. I hesitated before reaching my hand across the table to grab it.

𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚗𝚒𝚌𝚎, 𝚕𝚎𝚝'𝚜 𝚍𝚘 𝚒𝚝 𝚊𝚐𝚊𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚘𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚘𝚠.

- 𝙹𝚊𝚖𝚎𝚜

My heart fluttered. I didn’t even talk to him. I loved learning about people I was genuinely interested in my crushes but I was always called delusional. I guess I was though for thinking I’d ever have a shot with him. I didn’t deserve love.

I looked up at the sky and my hair fell. It’s all my fault. I’m sorry I couldn’t save you.