“Free yourself.”

“Open your eyes to the great unknown.”

“Try something new.”

Each day new whispers fill my ears and circle around my head clouding my thoughts and making my eyes water. I feel pounding in my head each time I hear it. It’s the same feminine voice each time. I’d like to believe it is my grandfather communicating from beyond this Earth, but my thoughts are leading me further from that. A gust of wind sends chills through my spine and leaves goosebumps on my neck leading up to my hairline. Each wind gust contains a whisper speaking of different things that all relate to each other.

I hate it’s nagging voice that leaves me in fear and keeps me up at night. Sometimes I think it’s my sleep paralysis catching me in the brightest of day, chasing me around in circles until I collapse and the air is sucked out of my lungs. Or possibly it’s Satan or God trying to tell me something that I don’t know. A hint towards the future? A hint towards the past? A hint towards the present?

I know nothing. All I know is this wind catches me when I stand by the edge of grassy the grassy hill, looking down into the distant water contemplating my life daily.

I tried telling my therapist but she only answered with “It’s just your inner thoughts trying to tempt you.”

I know it’s not, because I would never grow the type of courage to say those things even in my head. One day, while I was doing my routine of standing on the edge, the wind almost knocked me off my feet and sent chills through my spine and made my heart beat out of my chest. My ears popped and my mouth became dry. My cheeks burned red and my hands became stiff. I felt more sad today than usual— so sad, that I almost wouldn’t mind taking a false step off of the edge. I listened to it nevertheless, because one day I hope something it says makes sense, or guides me onto a greater path.

Today it said, “Do it.”

I have never felt as numb. There are no other words I can use to describe the more tense feeling I’ve felt, simply because any word I use wouldn’t be as great as this feeling. Those words are too mild, while my body becomes so stiff that my heart stops beating and my finger nails become blue and cold.

I looked behind me, hoping to see the face of the whispering wind gust, but the wind was gone already. It has done its deed.

Nothing the wind has ever said made more sense than this. The wind is my friend. The wind understands me. The wind wants me to be one with it. I obey the wind as if it were my master, my soul holder.

So without a single thought more, I walk forward finally reaching my last destination.