to the new kid

don’t make friends with the big kids, 7th graders will do; if you have friends in the locker room, hold on to that connection for dear life; if someone finds a dead animal out on the soccer field, tattle like you’re in kindergarten because that animal will end up in places it absolutely should not be; if you have missing work, just lie, the teachers trust you more than they trust themselves; if you get a 100 because someone blearily typed in your grade wrong, don’t ever ask about it; coach butler is a menace and will treat you like she’s still in the army; don’t do anything that might turn you into an urban legend; don’t comment on anyone’s shoes; this school kills art, make sure to daydream; they will always make you stand for the pledge, even if your knee is shattered in four places; _oh, kid, look what they did to you_; if you’re in honor roll for the first six weeks with all A’s, i guarantee that it will not last; homecoming is not as exciting as it sounds; your friends will leave you, but there’s always that one guy; watch out for the boys with blonde hair and white shoes, they move in packs; you are not your favorite teacher’s favorite student; in sixth grade, there are no best friends; nobody takes the sport they play seriously except for the baseball boys; if someone calls you a slur, don’t respond, because now they know what to call you; _oh, kid, look how they treated you_; if you call someone a slur, they won’t forget it; A house has all the popular kids; B house has all the sad kids; C house has everyone else; your club will not love you, if you have clubs at all; don’t sit outside for lunch in the summer, they don’t let you back inside; you’ll need more than one backpack; this is how to eavesdrop; this is how to talk silently; this is how to tell someone you hate them; there is no way to tell someone you like them; in love? too bad; if you make art, don’t show anyone, they won’t care; most of the band kids aren’t really band kids, they’re just tryhards with instruments they don’t know how to play; there will always be one person who shares your passion, but it might take a while to find them; fix your posture, i know you’re slouching; this is how to talk about what you like; this is how to take an insult; this is how to pretend you don’t care; _oh, kid, look what you did to yourself_; this is how to act like it wasn’t your fault; hey, kid, are you listening to me?