Dear dad,

I did it again. This is the 17th time I've managed to murder someone and the police are running around in circles. It was actually a pretty genius idea if you think about it. I am the expert at making it look like these guys were murdered by one of their buddies and then when those guys get sent to jail they end up ending their life. Now this is a genius idea because it's like killing two sometimes three birds with one stone! I'm doing the world a favor, these guys are all bums. These guys are the absolute worst kind of losers possible. For whatever reason they think it's okay to slack off at work, causing the rest of us to pick up their slack. I can't stand bad work ethic and I know I'm not the only one. I hear my boss talk about it all the time to his partners when they're walking around the jobsite. It's pretty incredible the growth I've had at this company since I killed that first guy a year ago. Once the slackers are gone the rest of us guys can focus on what actually matters and get the job done! Plus all of us have gotten a pay raise since it's so hard to find good help that sticks around. I'm helping the company thrive! And nobody knows a thing! Tomorrow there's another one I plan on taking care of. He's been driving my foreman crazy and I can't take it anymore. We've given him a whole month to try and pick up his act and be the good helper he claims to be. However he has yet to show us that side of him and he needs to be taken care of so we can finish this job in peace.

Love your son.

P.s. it's been a really rough year without you. Mom misses you terribly. And I've had to take care of all of your junk in the garage to make room for my new workshop.