Being Watched

I know it, I’m being watched.

Quick, turn around!

I see nobody there.

But I’m being watched.

What’s that?

I hear nobody there.

But I’m being watched, all the same.

Can’t hide in the treetops. Can’t hide anywhere.

I’m being stared at.


Like I was the only other person in existence.

Like there was nothing else to look at but me.

Unblinking, fierce staring.

At me.

Can’t make a move without being spotted.

They don’t believe me. They tell me I’m imagining things.

They couldn’t be more wrong.

Even if they knew, there’s nothing they could do about it.

Staring intensely at me.

At me.

How can I make a move?

How am I still here, under this potent, penetrating gaze?

How has it not annihilated me?

It doesn’t make sense. I ought to go out like a candle before this gaze.

But I’m still here. Ten fingers, ten toes, all of me.

It’s enough to drive a body mad!

It doesn’t make sense. I’m still sane. My mind and body are completely sound.

How can I withstand the unstoppable force when I’m very much not an immovable object?

I try to stare back.

Still I see nobody there.

I look up.

I look down.

I look left.

I look right.

I look forwards.

I look backwards.

I look into my memory.

I look into my expectations.

Still I see nobody there.

But I keep trying.

Why won’t you let me see you, as you see me?

I keep trying.

No good.

My eyes sting. I wipe the tears away.

No fear now. Only longing.



Why do you leave me all alone?

I would sell every last thing I have, and donate every last cent to charity, if I could only see your face.

How can I go on without gazing upon your face as you gaze upon mine?

What must I do? I will do whatever you ask, if only you would stop hiding from me.


Someday I’ll see you.

I hope.

How else could I go on, without that hope?

Even if I cannot see you for seventy years, please never turn your gaze away from me.

No, not even if I fear you, not even if I hate you. Do not listen to me. I don’t know what I’m saying.

Forgive me.

I’ve hurt you.

I’m still hurting you.

I will continue to hurt you.

I stab you right in the heart.

Forgive me.

Don’t turn away.

You won’t turn away.

You will never leave me.

I want more than anything to see you, as you see me.

It’s not time yet?

Then I can wait.

I have to wait.

What else is there to do?

Don’t let me shut my eyes.

Don’t let me fall asleep.

Don’t let me miss you when you come.

If I fall asleep, wake me up.

Only you can wake me up.

I love you, with all my heart.

I’m sorry it’s not enough.

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